To Be Once Again With You
by pratz
Summary: He's jealous and insecure, and that's why he hurt her. She's hurt and betrayed, and that's why she left. ::Complete::
1. Chapter 1

To be Once Again with You 

Author: pratz

Disclaimer: _Recca__ no Honoo_ and its characters belong to Anzai Nobuyuki. The title belongs to Sarah McLachlan and the chapters' titles belong to John Lennon's _Jealous Guy_.

.-.-.-.

Chapter One: I was Dreaming of the Past 

If the people wanted to describe him in a word, pathetic would be the perfect one. Yes, he was. The one cold, pathetic guy. Handsome yes, but had no happiness. Wealthy and rich, yes—since he was the CEO of the second biggest corporation in Japan, but he had nothing but loneliness. In his age of thirty, he looked ten years or even older.

There was sadness lined his forehead. Loneliness was written behind his eyes and upon his unsmiling mouth. Cold as well as iceberg, silent as well as the hill.

Once he was happy. Once, his world was filled by love, warm laughter, and caring. His sister gave everything he needed; love and tenderness. But in a wink, all of his happiness was snatched away from him. His sister brought all of his love and humanity with her to her tomb.

When he had thought he had no love to give, she came and brought so much color to his world. The tomboyish brat, monkey-like, and wannabe-boy ninja, did succeed melting his icy heart and he loved her for that.

She cared for him. She always wanted to make him smile. She became his comrade, his nearest person, and finally his lover. He shared his pain with her and she made sure she always made him happy.

_"Geez, Mi-chan. Crack a smile for me."_

_Her tone was plain but simply warmed his heart. His unsmiling mouth did no move, but deep inside his heart he smiled._

_"Make me, monkey."_

_"Wha—you arrogant Eskimo!__ No, wait, the fool is I who care for you! Why do I have to care for you! Now listen you icebe—mmmph!"_

_He kissed her to silence her. Her eyes widened in shock, but a second later she closed her eyes and let herself enjoy the moment._

_When he released her, they were almost out of breath._

_But he smiled softly for the first time. A smile only _his_ Kirisawa Fuuko deserved it._

_"You told me to smile, Fuuko."_

_"B-b-but—what was that? I—no—you—what you did? Well, it's not like I was—" she babbled and his smile grew wider. He reached out to pull her into his arms and though she was bewildered, she didn't struggle._

_"Let us be happy together."_

_"Mi-chan?"_

_He withdrew to see right into her beautiful eyes. There was no coldness in his eyes; they only showed love and warmth._

_"Promise me?"_

_She gave him a sweet, genuine smile—a smile that could make him awake for a week. She snuggled to his warm chest, and he wound his arms around her shoulder protectively._

_"I promise, Mi-chan."_

With her the sun always shone for him all day long. She yielded her own sunshine to warm his heart and slowly she brought out the best of him.

And that's what made Mikagami Tokiya love Kirisawa Fuuko more.

But he knew that happiness was a warm gun.

_"So, Fuuko?"_

_"So what?"_

_"Will you stay with me?" he asked her, his mouth gently giving her neck tender suck. She moaned softly in pleasure, a lovely voice he loved hearing._

_"Mi-chan... I can't—I can't answer it... now."_

_"Why not?"__ His mouth trailed down to her shoulder, nipping on it before trailing upward to worship her jaw. She gasped and he chuckled softly. "You just have to say yes or no."_

_"You know my answer, Mi-chan," She pulled back and stared into his blue eyes. A corner of her mouths turned up and she smirked. "Idiot."_

_"I am not," He nibbled on her earlobe, slowly licking its canal and letting his tongue do the work his hand couldn't do. "Blind would be appropriate."_

_"Blind?"_

_"I'm blinded by you."_

_He pushed her gently onto his bed. He arranged her hair and cupped her cheeks. He glazed into her soft baby-blue eyes, and he could swear he saw happiness and joy in her eyes._

_"I love you."_

_But she didn't answer. The shine in her eyes began to dim. She kept her mouth shut and diverted her face from him. Slowly, her form began to fade away, turned into a naked, bruised Fuuko. He grasped her hands, but it was slipping away._

_"No. No—Fuuko, don't leave—no... FUUKO!"_

He woke up abruptly, eyes wide open, and his breath ragging. Beads of perspiration were on his skin and his hands shook softly. Around him was only darkness, just like his heart. There's nobody. No Fuuko at all. Only him and his lonely world.

"Damn," he muttered. His hands reached out for a glass of water beside his bed, but his shaking hand could do no perfection. The glass fell, and its pieces shattered on the carpet. He took no heed to clean it up.

Looking down at the shattered glass, he remembered all his pain.

Late he had realized, she had brought all his brightness with her leaving, and left only his shattered heart.

.-.-.-.

taken from _Happiness is a Warm Gun_ by The Beatles.


	2. Chapter 2

**To be Once Again with You**

Author: pratz

.-.-.-.

**Chapter Two: And My Heart was Beating Fast**

Mikagami's POV

It was the third month since she had moved and lived in my apartment. Breakfast was a daily activity for us and she always made a wonderful breakfast.

She's sitting next to me across the table, eating slowly. Her mouth moved slowly with every chew she made, lips curving into sensuous forms. What a temptation!

I gulped down my last coffee to suppress the sudden lust for her. I wanted to jump over the table, grab her, pin her to the wall, and kiss her until she was breathless. I wanted to make her daze. I wanted to leave her sore and panting my name. I want to—

For Kami-sama's sake, stop it! I just already had her all night long and an hour ago in the bathroom!

"Mi-chan?"

"Yes?" Her voice woke me up from my early daydreaming. I raised my head and saw her smiling at me.

"If you don't finish your breakfast quickly, you're gonna be late."

"I'm finish," I left the table and walked to the sofa to get my bag. She followed me and handed me my coat. She smiled softly and watched me wearing it. Her smile was the most beautiful scene I had ever seen.

"No goodbye kiss?"

Blushes spread on her cheeks, making her more gorgeous than ever. She stood on her tiptoes and gave me a chaste peck on my lips, but I held her elbow and restrained our position. I deepened the kiss and played my tongue across her mouth, asking her permission for an entrance.

"Mi-chan—you should—"

"Yes?"

Her lips were strawberry and mint and honey. Her kiss was fresh grass and sun-kissed and... heaven.

She's my heaven.

I took the chance to slip my tongue inside her warm, moist mouth. I brushed her tongue with my own and feel satisfied when I heard her gasps of pleasure and need.

"You—work—I—"

"A minute more?"

I cupped her derriere with my left hand and lifted her against me. She put her hand on my chest, trying to push me away, but I didn't want to put an end to this fascinated moment. My right hand tilted her head back to give me a better access and made us fall backward onto the sofa, with me on top of her.

"You _must_ go," she said breathlessly, pushing me and trying to stand up, but her knees were weak and she fell back onto the sofa again.

I chuckled softly, kissed her forehead, and walked to the door.

"I'll be home at eight," I said before I closed the door.

.-.-.-.

I got out from the parking area of our apartment and silently walked to my lovely angel waiting for me up there. I mentally smiled, imagining she was baking a cake or just preparing tea for me, but after all, I would spend my time with her again. Her and her alone.

My steps halted in front of the closed lift door. A man, with dark hair and black sunglasses, got out from my apartment and Fuuko was standing at the doorway and waved him goodbye. They didn't see me near the lift door, but I could see them clearly. I could see her smile.

It seemed like my heart was beating ten times faster than before I could almost feel it being ripped out from my chest. I could hear my heartbeat in my ear, saying something that added more fuel to my anger.

The smile she would always give me firsthand and personally now was shared with that man.

Blood boiling in my veins, it seemed like I was steaming all over. My palm fisted and tightened, my knuckles turned white, almost bleeding. I took no concern of it.

Who the hell was the man! And what was his relation with my Fuuko! She was born for me and that's what definitely made her mine! She was mine! _Mine_ and no one else's!

Furious and madness ragged over my head. I lost my rationality. I lost my self-control I was so proud of.

She would learn to whom she belonged to. Soon.

She's _mine_.

.-.-.-.


	3. Chapter 3

**To be Once Again with You**

Author: pratz

.-.-.-.

**Chapter Three: I Began to Lose Control**

Mikagami's POV

I closed the door soundlessly and watched her poking her head from the kitchen. She greeted me welcome and usually I would smile back at her, but I didn't do it at this time.

"How's your day, gorgeous?"

My mouth twitched and slowly I stalked towards her. From behind, I wrapped my arms around her waist and snuggled my head on the crook of her neck. She tensed and stopped her work of making me tea.

"Is anything wrong, Mi-chan?" her hand caressed my cheek softly.

"Who's that man?"

"That man? Oh," laughing, she playfully pinched my cheek. "Don't you remember him? He's Kurei."

"Kurei?" My mind flew to the Urabatou Satsujin memories. A man stood before us with red cloak and a mask. Kurei. Recca's half-brother and also a flame master. But even Recca was better than him. Kurei was the dark enjutsushi, born with a cursed flame, and his heart was darker than mine. But Kurei from my memories was never a man who could visit a woman without wounding her, and with her good condition now, something must be happened between them—between him and _my_ woman. "What did he do?"

"Nothing. He's just stopping by and we talked a lot. It's nice to see him getting over his past. He is changing, Mi-chan. I hope he'll find his happiness soon, don't you agree?"

How could she talk about him and enjoy it? How could she talk about him like that in front of _me_! Unconsciously, I tightened my arms around her.

"Hurt, Mi-chan..." she gasped.

I took no heed of her voice. Roughly, I turned her around and pinned her against the wall. Her head banged against the wall and she gnashed her teeth to prevent any painful scream she might let out.

She shouldn't! I wanted her to scream! I wanted her to feel my pain!

"Mi-ch—" she said hoarsely. Blood rolled along her chin. "What's—"

"How could you, Fuuko?" I hissed and roughly cupped her cheeks. "How could you enjoy his company?"

"No—"

I slapped her, full force and emotions rushing. Once again, her head hit the wall and I could see her blood streaming down from the back of her head along her neck, leaving a blooded mark on the wall. She whimpered in pain, but did no effort to hit me back. Good. "How could you?" I slapped her again with the back of my right palm. My hand stung with heat and I saw my hand imprinted on her cheek. "You are _mine_. You know to whom you belong to and yet you betray me."

"No—Mi-chan, it's not you."

"It's me, you pathetic fool," I grabbed her arm harshly, dragged her to our bedroom, and threw her onto the bed. "I've given you everything, even my heart, and yet you only give me your treachery. Get up."

I saw her made no effort to get up. That only worsened my anger even more.

"I said get up. Now," I said in low, poisonous tone. Holding her arms in a death grip, I almost cracked her bone. She had to thank any gods she knew I didn't bring my ensui with me.

Fuuko gritted her teeth in agony. "Mi-chan... love..."

"No need!" I landed a fist on her stomach, and she produced a choked sound. Tears streaked down her face—tears I wanted to have more. "Don't cry. You don't deserve pity."

I ripped all her clothes, yet she still held up her scream. I saw fear and hurt in her eyes. I slapped her once again, kissing her roughly, biting her lower lip until it's bleeding. And so what? I knew I had become more and more possessive about her since our relationships grew deeper. I knew I was doing something wrong. I was aware of everything I did to her, but it's not my concern. She's mine, right? I could do everything that I want to my belonging! I had the right!

Because she's _mine_!

"No..." Fuuko moaned in agony and fear. "Mi-chan... don't... please..."

Who did she think she was to give me a command?

"Aaauggghhh..."

I heard a scream choked out from Fuuko's throat. Tears fell freely onto her cheeks. It was not a lovemaking at all. It's even worse. She was hurt by the one she loved the most—me. For her, this was no pleasure. It was only pain, pure agony, but I didn't care. She mumbled something I didn't take a need to hear.

"No—it's not you... it can't be you..."

That was all I could remember until the morning come.

.-.-.-.

My head was spinning when I tried to open my eyes. Here I am, sprawled on my king-size precious bed. But I feel no worry or fear. All I would see first was my lovely angel beside me, and that thought automatically made a small smile take its place on my lips.

But all I have was a roughly tug on my arm and I felt myself being lifted from the bed.

"Wake up, bastard!"

Recca?

"How dare you SLEEP after what you've done to her!"

Huh?

Recca punched me right on my jaw and sent me flew backward. I felt a hot flame slashed my other cheek—it was Saiha. Damn it! Where's my ensui when I need it!

"What are you doing in my apartment, you stupid monkey! And what the bloody hell are you talking about! You'd better give me a good reason before I rip your heart out!"

"I don't owe you any single explanation," Recca said coldly. The first time I saw his eyes glaring with so much anger was when he burned Mokuren to save Yanagi from Kurei, and now I had another one.

Wait. Kurei? Kami-sama...

Suddenly I remembered all entire things I had done last night. My head spun until I felt dizzy in remorse. Kami-sama... what had I done? I cursed myself and silently looked for Fuuko... but she wasn't there.

What did I do to you, Fuuko?

"Where is Fuu—"

"She doesn't need you," Recca started to pack up her things into a big bag. "And you stay away from her."

"Wait! What do you—"

"Let go of me," Recca jerked his arm from my grasp and continued doing his work. "She doesn't need you, and you don't deserve her. She will stay with us until she can find a new residence."

"A new what!"

"You hear what I've said. I thought you're a noble person, yet you prove me I was wrong. I once believed Fuuko could change you, but you're _still_ a heartless bastard I regret to ever know you."

With that, he shut the door hard and left a sorrowful me behind.

.-.-.-.


	4. Chapter 4

TO BE ONCE AGAIN WITH YOU

Author: pratz

_Recca__ no Honou_ and its characters belong to Anzai Nobuyuki. The title is Sarah McLachlan's and the chapters' titles come from John Lennon's _Jealous Guy_.

CHAPTER 4: I WAS FEELING INSECURE—YOU MIGHT NOT LOVE ME ANYMORE

[Fuuko's POV]

"Fuuko? You wake up?"

Yanagi's voice sounded concern and lovingly. I thanked God for giving me a friend like her.

"Yes, Yanagi. You can come in."

Yanagi came in with a tray on her delicate hands. I had tried to smile to her, but my wounded lips betrayed my will.

"How is it?"

What will be my answer? That I was fine? That I was alright? No I definitely was not. If I answered 'fine' Yanagi would know I was lying, but if I answered 'bad' Yanagi would soon pity me.

That was the last thing I hope from my friends. Pity—I didn't need it.

"You don't have to worry, Yanagi."

Yanagi raised her brows. From the front yard, I heard Recca's grumbles and a car's door being closed harshly. In no time, Recca had found himself at my doorway. Yanagi stared at him, longing for a story or even just a word. But she knew how furious Recca was now. And I knew the reason. I was his closest friend after all. He must be very angry.

"Fuuko, you will stay with my brother. He's already known the whole story and he himself invited you to live at his mansion."

My gaze fell downward. "He doesn't have to do this. He has responsible for nothing."

"No words, Fuuko. I don't want Mikagami to ever see you again. So you WILL stay with Kurei and we'll find a new residence for you. End of speaking."

There's no point to debate Recca when he was in a fury. I breathed a sigh of tiredness and follow Recca back to his car.

Kurei had apologized for getting me into a trouble, but I said I didn't mind. It's not his fault. What's wrong with friends visiting the other?

I laid down on the bed on one the rooms on Kurei's mansion. It was the same mansion I ever trapped inside a water room and Raiha came helping me. 'Fate', that's what he had said to me.

I smiled weakly for the moment. How funny the fate things going on. Kurei became a better person and Raiha... well, he's never such a bad person before. In the other hand I saw Recca got so furious again after years. And Mikagami...

Tears started forming on the corner of my eyes. I wept them harshly, tried to hold back my cry.

The Mikagami Tokiya I knew was a stiff, cold, and highly-pride person, but it was only a mask to cover his sorrow and anguish. Behind the icy attitude, he was a tender and loving man. He hid his pain because of his sister's death and I was glad I was the first person who could open his almost freezing heart.

And the first person he loved after his sister.

But the rest now was nothing but a question.

Did he ever really love me?

I had remembered everything about him and treasured it in my heart. His first smile from the bottom of his heart when I said I would share his pain. How wide his smile when I convinced him I would stay with him. His flushed face when we got our hand entwined for the first time. Our hugs and precious kisses. Love-making with him... I writhed beneath him... our moans of pleasure... he collapsed atop me...

But he was no more. There's no Mikagami Tokiya I love.

"Fool," I cursed myself.

My cell-phone rang through the room. I rolled over to get the cell-phone but the pain between my legs shot up through my spine and spread my entire body. It hurt like hell, but nothing compare to the pain in my heart. I reached my hand to get it and froze after I read one name on the screen.

It read: 'beloved'.

Guess I had to change that nickname quickly.

I brought my cell-phone to my ear but made no voice at all. I held my breath and waiting for the caller.

"Fuuko?"

Soft, fragile sound that almost made me crying.

"I apologize."

I didn't answer him.

"I know you're there, Fuuko. Talk to me... please?"

I've never seen Mikagami crying openly. Even now. I couldn't imagine how his face streaking with tears was. In normal condition I would have laughed at him for his poor plea. His voice was a hoarsely whisper, choked by unshed tears.

A part of me wanted to rush to him, to comfort him in my arms, and let his pain go. I want to forget my own pain. I want to see him smiling. I want to hear his rare laugh. But when I looked at myself, I realized it couldn't be. He had betrayed me. He had done me pain.

And worst, he had turned me into himself.

I could tolerate him for glaring angrily at me after I spoke to Raiha. I could tolerate him for warning me to stay away from the Raijin wielder. I could tolerate him for didn't like me to tease my guy friends like I usually did. I could even tolerate him for muttering some harshly words when his jealousy won over his self-control.

I DID know he loved me. But what I didn't know that his loving attitude had drastically turned up into possessiveness and over-protectiveness. He would be very disgusted and annoyed by only seeing me chat with my classmate or even Recca and Domon, and then his sharp mouth would hurt me mentally, but never physically.

Last night was the first time he hurt me physically.

Last night I saw nothing in his eyes. No love, no care, no affection, or even a simple softness. Just possessiveness, madness, and self-deprived. His icy eyes, dark with anger and insanity, talked silently to me, 'you give it all but I want more.'

He showed me his love and care, but he wanted more in repay. He wanted something I couldn't give. And couldn't do. I was the wind. Independent and forever free. Mikagami could have my heart, my love, or even my body, but not my soul, never my soul. I wondered how I could stay with him for almost four years, under the same rooftop with him, and shared the same air.

"Fuuko... I'm sorry. I didn't mean everything that happened..."

Didn't mean? Hah! Find a better excuse, damn it!

He took advantages of me when I thought I finally found my true love. After all those times when I was rejected and hurt only because I act on wannabe-boy attitude, I thought he came to save me, to love me.

And in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make...

I didn't make what so-called our love. It had come on its own. Yet it took everything of me. My dignity, my pride, everything I think I once had. I smiled a bitter smile. It hurt than ever, albeit I thought I was used to smile like that since he'd acted so possessive of me.

I'd never let him defeat me again. I could take care of myself. I could. How foolish of me to ever think someone could understand me better than myself. I wasn't that fragile. I didn't break.

Fool me. Wasn't it the other way round? It was me who always tried to understand him. It was me who always be there when he needed me. It was always me. It was.

He was an arrogant, rock-headed, and perfectionist man.

But he was also a pathetic, lonely, and sorrowful man.

Now he was just a stranger to myself.

From now on, I would never give him even an opportunity to hurt me. I would get no pain anymore. I'd make sure last night was the first and the last pain for me. No need to care for him. Yes, I still love him, but it wouldn't be a reason for me to comeback to him. What for? He only weakened me, absorbing my strength to help him standing on his own feet. It wasn't me who needed him; it's him who needed me.

I was stronger, Mikagami Tokiya. I was not your property as from today. You might think that I wouldn't make it on my own but now I was.

"To hell with you, Mikagami Tokiya."

I had never called him by his full name. It was always Mi-chan.

No emotion. No yelling or hysteria. I just hung up without waiting for his respond and put the phone underneath the pillow. It rang over and over again, but I did take no need to answer it.

All of these were unbearable to me. I couldn't stand any longer. My only grip of awareness had left me. The only man I ever love had surrendered to his darkness and got me broken-heartily.

Slowly, tears streaking my face as I buried it on the pillow. My last tears, I promised myself.

From now on, I would try to stand on my own. I had to try.

Loving him would never be an answer.

taken from _With or Without You_ by U2

taken from _The End_ by The Beatles


	5. Chapter 5

**To Be Once Again With You**

Author: pratz

Disclaimer: they belong to Anzai Nobuyuki, Sarah McLachlan and John Lennon

**Chapter Five: I was Shivering Inside**

It was a beautiful morning, with birds singing and wind blowing softly. Yet, she took no bit of care. Her heart was black. Her mind had betrayed her need of peace. It is now even a week, but she felt like it was already a century—a century of hurt, betrayal, and anguish. _God, I'm so damn tired_, she wondered, _I would gladly throw away everything I've got for a little a piece of mind_. She massaged her temple, and suddenly Fuuko felt her body going limp, and she started falling down.

"Fuuko-san!" Behind her, Neon ran to catch the fainted girl before she hit the ground. Her yell beckoned Aki and Miki to come to see. "Fuuko-san! What's wrong?!"

Fuuko tried to open her eyes, but her lids were dead heavy. Somehow, behind her puzzled mind, she felt unexplainable comfort and peace waiting for her.

.-.-.-.

"Hanabishi residence."

"Yanagi?"

"Fuuko?" Yanagi frowned to hear her friend's voice trembling with sob. It also hurt herself because she loves Fuuko dearly to see her hurt. They all love Fuuko. They wanted her to be happy. She swore to herself she would have an explanation for Mikagami, while Domon at the same time looked like he wanted to kill Mikagami.

Recca tugged at her sleeve, asking who the caller was. Yanagi mouthed 'Fuuko' to her husband.

"Yanagi... promise me you will listen to me."

"You know I'll do everything for you, Fuuko. Please talk to me."

"I..." Fuuko sobbed and clutched the phone tightly. "I'm pregnant."

"For God's sake! You what, Fuuko?!" Yanagi felt herself was going to faint away, her knees went weak and her guts suddenly felt uncomfortable. Recca immediately stood up in readiness and worry. "It—it can't—"

"I'm shocked too. I've just known it a while ago. But I _am_, Yanagi. All Uruha here had known about this, and I want to tell you all in person. Meet me here? Please?"

Yanagi sighed, feeling so tired and dizzy. "We'll get there in about an hour, Fuuko. Just wait for us."

"And there will be _no_ Mikagami Tokiya."

Silence, and then, "As you wish, Fuuko."

.-.-.-.

The Uruhas and the Hokages sat near her. Their face showed concern and sincerity mixed with worry and sympathy. She was glad no one was pitying her, and she felt relieved that Mikagami wasn't there even though there was a little pain in her heart because of it.

"Say hello to our new member," she half-laughed and tried to joke. "I'll become a mother."

The reactions were like she had imagined before. Recca yelled a loud "damn", and Domon hit the table and broke it into pieces. It seemed that Kagerou was choking a very big bone in her throat. Koganei and Ganko's jaw dropped onto the ground. The Uruha's members, although they had already known, still fairly shocked for knowing the wind goddess would soon give birth to a child.

"Fuck this all!!" Recca yelled loudly. "How could—I don't believe this!!"

"It's true," Kurei said calmly. "She's two-month pregnant. Believe it or quietly leave her now."

"A-a-and—" Koganei's voice trembled, "and—and the f-father... is—is—"

"It's Mi-ch—Mikagami." Fuuko lowered her gaze, her shoes now seemed more interesting than her friends.

"Damn it!" Domon cursed. "You two have done _it_?!! Where did he put his fucking brain?! How could he make his fucking pride surrender to his fucking desire?!!! And—and—shit!!"

"Shut up," Kurei cut him off. "Too much vulgarities at once."

"It's a nightmare. It's really a damn worst nightmare," Recca mumbled unclearly.

"It's _not_," Fuuko's tone rose twice fold. "Yes, we've done _it_. We've fucking done _it_! It's our fifth year and we've lived under the same roof for almost three months, so what do you expect for more, huh?! And yes, I'm pregnant! This is his baby! Mikagami Tokiya's baby! It's real! _Real_, damn it!"

All of them lost their voices. The air around them froze, and the time stopped. Recca's mouth moved, but he made no sound after all. He raised both of his hands and regained his voice. "Alright. I'm not dreaming, right? It's reality. I have to face it. No, you have to face it, Fuuko."

"Get an abortion," Aki threw out her opinion, making everyone send deadly glares to her. "Hey! I'm just trying to help, okay? It was _his_ baby after all! That sick psychopath!"

"Please don't say a word about him! I'm sick of it!" Fuuko cried out. "I'll find a way, but it will not be an abortion! I'm not a killer and will never be! This baby has no sin at all!!"

"But Fuuko—"

"Listen, I'm not going to hurt this baby! Ever! God give a baby to me to protect! To me to be a mother! Yes, maybe _my_ baby's wasn't created because of love, but _my_ baby still has the right to be loved! I will _never_ leave _my_ baby alone! Understand?!" she shouted at the top of her lung, twitching lightly at the words 'wasn't created because of love', knowing pretty well that she still loved the baby's father.

Disbelieving stares filled the room, mixed with restrained anger and confusion.

"You will tell him?" Recca asked.

"No."

"Then?" Gashakura voiced his concern. He respected Fuuko and still was. Like Recca, he did not believe firsthand when Neon said that Fuuko was pregnant, but he promised himself he would help her.

"Go to Paris," Kurei answered for her. "I've talked with Fuuko, and she's agreed to go to Paris. Joker will be there to help her. Raiha also will come too in a week."

Yanagi stared at Fuuko with sad eyes, but she tried her hardest to not cry. Not when Fuuko needed their supports the most. "When?"

"Tomorrow."

"You can't!!" Domon cried out, grabbing Kurei by his collar. "Who do you think you are?! Her manager or what?! Since when do you care for her?! She's not your—"

"I'm just taking my responsibility, Domon. Like it or not, I have a part in this mess."

"Chill out, Domon-san." Tsukishiro held him by his arm. Slowly he let go of Kurei and sighed heavily. "Kurei-sama just wants to help Fuuko. Besides, she's agreed."

"Yes," Fuuko finally spoke again. "I will go to Paris."

.-.-.-.

He wondered where anyone had gone. Did they just try to avoid him after what he did to Fuuko?

His heart throbbed in pain when her face came slashing his mind or even when he simply said her name.

She was upset at him; he knew and had accepted it. No, she was mad, _very_ mad. Never had he heard her talking in cold tone without emotion. It hurt him greatly, but he really deserved it. What kind of man he was after all to ever hurt the one he loved?

His body was numb, and he just walked to wherever his legs would bring him. He had not taken care of himself properly for two days, trying to find his beloved yet always returned empty-handed. If the pain of the heart could kill, surely he would be a dead man lying on the ground now.

Where was Fuuko?

His eyes widened a bit after he saw the door of the house in front of him. It was written 'Hanabishi'. It was Yanagi's house. Yanagai, always the kindest and the most beautiful soul among them all. She would definitely know where Fuuko was and she would tell him. No doubt about it.

He rang the bell, and Yanagi's face poked out behind the door. She gasped in shock to see him, trying to close the door in a hurry. Abruptly he reached his hand out to prevent her from doing so.

"Please! Tell me where Fuuko is!"

"You don't deserve her! _Never_!" she yelled at the top of her lung. "Go away or I'll call Recca to burn you!"

It hurt him. Aside from Fuuko, Yanagi was the only one who could hurt him even just by saying a hateful word. She was a resemblance to his sister, and to see her being so furious at him was like to see his sister hate him.

"Yanagi, I—"

"You still have the face to come to my house after all of these?! Fine! She's gone! Happy now?! Now leave me and go to hide behind your icy heart!"

"G-gone?"

"Yes! Now go! Recca!!"

In no time Recca appeared and soon, Koku appeared for the fire master had summoned him. Koku! If it were Nadare, Mikagami would have dodged its fireball easily, but it was Koku! The dragon's attack wounded his arm and burned half of Yanagi's lovely garden but she took no need to care.

"I restrained his power to the lowest level. Next time, I will call for Setsuna or even all of them, Mikagami. Now just get your fucking face out of my sight. Go!"

He made no effort to hit Recca back. Slowly, in agonizing pace, he began a hurtful step to leave them. They were his 'family', the people he called home and he would gladly sacrifice everything for them, but they no longer were. He had already lost Fuuko, and now he just lost his 'family'. No more Fuuko and no more 'family'.

He was alone again.

He stopped in front of the mirror house. That was the place he met Fuuko for the first time. She yelled at him for hurting Recca and cutting Yanagi's hair. He remembered how angry she was and how lively her eyes were. How he loved her eyes like that. Since that time, he slowly fell for her charms and he let himself be.

He stepped into the mirror house. Mirror was written in his name. Without this place, he would never meet Yanagi and the others and... Fuuko.

She had gone and now they left him too. He had nothing. He was all alone in the world and in the heart.

"You left me, Fuuko," he whispered brokenly. He leaned his back onto the mirror wall and sighed tiredly. A single tear fell from the corner of his eye, rolling along his cheek. He abruptly wiped it, but it called for its friend and his tears were raining now. He never allowed anybody to see his tears, but it did not matter anymore. They could look at him, saw his fragile heart and soul or even laugh at him for his foolishness and stupid jealousy.

He shivered, sinking onto the floor and drawing his knees to his chest. He did not want to believe the reality. He did refuse to believe anything.

For the first time he called himself an idiot and felt fear crawl in his heart.

Fear for the loneliness waiting for him the next day.

Fear for her to leave him behind forever.

.-.-.-.

_Everything I've got for a little a piece of mind_ is taken from _I'm So Tired_ by The Beatles.


	6. Chapter 6

**To Be Once Again with You**

Author: pratz

With all my thanks to my beta, Nistha, and all readers who read this fic.

**Chapter Six: I Didn't Mean to Hurt You**

He was rocking back and forth with tears running down his cheeks when Koganei found him inside the mirror house. The fang boy sighed sadly at the sight and grabbed his arm in order to get him stand up.

"Get up. You need to go home."

'_Get up..._' his icy words for her two days ago.

He didn't move a bit. That made Koganei lost his patience.

"Get up, you stupid icicle!" he jerked his arms, trying to pull him up, but since Mikagami was heavier than himself, his effort met a lot of difficulty. "Mikagami-niichan, there's no need for you to be here! Do you think you tears will make Fuuko-neechan comeback to you?!"

_Fuuko..._

_You'll comeback to me, won't you?_

_  
You will never leave me... won't you?_

"Do you hear me or not?! Get your fucking ass move!!!"

"Hit me," he said slowly as he saw Koganei's face turned red. "You can hit me if you want."

"I will _never_ hit you, damn it! It's Fuuko-neechan who deserves to do it!" Koganei shouted at his face. "What the hell did you think you do her, huh?! I knew everything, and I was still surprised that those two flame casters out there hadn't burned you off yet! Oh yes, I even will be happy if Kurei-niichan burned you _all_ the way! You know what, Yanagi-neechan cursed! For the first time in my life I heard her _curse_ someone and that someone was no one else but _you_! Damn you!! Damn your fucking foolishness!!!"

Never had he heard Koganei said vulgar words so much, but he deserved it.

"Yes, Mikagami-niichan, I would be glad to _kill_ you myself, definitely you and I will die happily!" He cried out, grabbing Mikagami's collar tightly. "Now listen to me, mark my words and treasure them in your icy frozen heart: she's gone. Fuuko-neechan's gone. Far away. You must be very happy now."

He jerked at Koganei's words. He raised his head to face his former teammate in the eyes.

"She won't leave me," he made his voice as convinced as possible, but Koganei could find a tiny bit of hesitation hiding behind his plain tone. "Never."

"Yeah. I'm sure of that." Kagone muttered, voice filled with sarcasm Mikagami never knew his younger teammate would be able to have. "You don't even know where she's now."

"She will never leave me," Mikagami said—more to convince himself than Koganei, though his voice started to waver a bit. "She loves me."

"You know, you're acting like a brat. Like a boy who's lost his favorite toy." Koganei snapped back, then smirking sardonically yet so harshly. "Or maybe you have. You just saw her as your plaything, right? As _something_ you can throw away after you get bored of it. As _something_ you think belongs and bounded to you ever since."

"I am not."

"Right. Go on. Say it to the whole world, you sick psychopath. Facing the reality must be very frightening for you, right?" Koganei accepted no answer, so he decided to go on. "I regret to ever know you. Recca-niichan had also said it, right? You're not a human, Mikagami-niichan."

It also hurt Koganei to say such a word. Mikagami was the one he respected the most beside Kurei. Once he showed mutual respect for Mikagami for saving his life. Once he would gladly fight for the iceman if he asked him to. He was the only Hokage who didn't fully agree with Recca's path to leave Mikagami on his own. He himself did not want Mikagami to live his life in loneliness for he knew that it sucked.

Yeah. A lonely life sucked—so did a lonely love.

But he also loved Fuuko very much he could not stand to see Mikagami hurt her.

And he took a painful decision to join the rest, standing shoulder to shoulder with Fuuko.

"Goodbye, Mikagami Tokiya."

.-.-.-.

His numb legs brought him to the forest behind their high school building. He passed three years of his teen life here, and he often enjoyed the nature after school. He stopped in front of an huge, old tree. He remembered it all too well. It was the tree where he had kissed her for the first time. The kiss was coloured with awkwardness and silent shyness, but he had to admit that he enjoyed it. He recalled the memories of how she blushed prettily, and he smiled slightly at that memory.

His hand searched for something, finding it in no time. There was a heart-shaped carving on the tree's skin. Their name, his and her, was written inside the heart. She craved it with her kaze no tsume though he had tried to stop her.

"_Yeah!_ _It's finished!"_

"_That's so silly of you," he grunted, though his voice lacking its usual sarcasm._

"_It's not that bad," she scowled. "See for yourself."_

It was read 'fuuko LUV mi-chan'.

His heart clenched painfully after he recalled her sincere smile at the time.

"Fuuko..." he whispered broken-heartily. Now he realized why she did not fight him back that night even though he knew she could. Her kaze no tsume was more than enough to leave him bleed to death because he had no his ensui with him at the time. It all was just because she did not want to.

She did not ever want to hurt him, no matter what he did to her.

Why do you become a crybaby? A voice inside him mocked him with an annoying laugh.

"Because I've just done something I know I will regret all my life."

Are you sure? Isn't it wrong? You just fall for her because of your desire, didn't you? You just simply want and lust for her, so you don't have to cry. 

"No. I love her."

You don't. You never do. You just want to taste her silken lips, to touch her body, to drink from her, to please yourself. If you really love her, you wouldn't ever hurt her. But it was like I said. It was only if you really do love her. 

"I do love her..."

Then why did you do her harm? 

"I—it was because..."

Jealousy? Poor excuse of yours. Let it go. It has no use anymore. You want her, you need her and yet you don't believe her when she said her love is dead. 

"No... she can't do that. She won't. She loves me."

She left you. 

"She didn't, doesn't and will never. She won't leave me. She will never leave me. Never."

Oh? Then why do you sit here by yourself? Where's she? Where's your woman, hn? You don't even know where she is, where she has gone to. 

"She'll comeback. I know that. She'll come home to me soon."

Are you sure? 

"It's just a sick joke. She said she would stay with me."

Don't mock me. How can she still love you after what you did to her? Who's the one hurts her? You're the one, yes. Why do you think she was crying? She is strong, but even the strongest will give up caring about you with all the pain she has because of you. 

"Shut up..."

You just use her. You just want her. You just cause her pain. And now after all is said and done, you throw her away. And she's left you. She doesn't love you anymore. 

"NOOOOOO!!!!" Mikagami screamed hoarsely, voice trembling as he slid onto the ground, kneeling down. Sobbing harshly, he paid no attention to his surroundings. He wanted to leave the forest that hold so much memories of her, but even if he knew he could, his own heart would still left behind, hidden in the heart of the deep, deep forest of his darkness. "No... she loves me... she loves me... she loves me... she loves me... she loves me..."

Late he had realized.

She really had left him.

.-.-.-.

_You want her, you need her and yet you don't believe her when she said her love is dead_ is taken from _For_ _No_ _One_ by The Beatles. This song matches Mi-chan on this chap! If you have a time, just listen to this song. I don't have any special reason, but I like the lyrics of this song so much—this is the second time I'm using this song for a fic.

_left behind, lies hidden in the heart of the deep, deep forest_ is taken from _Fukai_ _Mori_ by Do As Infinity (_Inuyasha_ TV series second ending song).


	7. Chapter 7

**To Be Once Again with You**

Author: pratz

Disclaimer: I still don't own them. I'll just claim for Touya though.

p.s.: Nistha, thanks for being my beta!

**Chapter Seven: I was Trying to Catch Your Eyes—Thought that You were Trying to Hide**

He was thirty, a spiritless shell of a man. It had been six years since she had left him—six years of loneliness, regret and self-hatred. He could not replace her with another, because she held too dear a place in his heart.

He still loved her. His love and regret grew altogether, making him feel guiltier, and he had no one to blame but himself all these years. How he wished he could change the past, to prevent all the damn things that had happened, to have a chance to love her again. It was she he always needed. Simply her and only her.

He prayed everyday to ask for her going back to him, but his wish was never granted. He knew the reason clearly—to be honest, it haunted him all the time. What better punishment after all for his stupidity? Even God would not forgive him after he himself hurt the very one he had promised to protect so badly. Not just mentally, but he had hurt her physically too.

Did she know about the sleepless nights he had? Yes, he had so many sleepless nights, thinking how she was, what she was doing... without him.

_Without_ him.

Loneliness and sorrow was not enough; he didn't even know where she was! He did not know anything. She never called him, never came to even say a simple hello. His 'family' did not keep in touch with him since they were still mad at him. They would never tell him what she was doing.

And so what was the difference between living a life all but dead and being dead itself?

He knew violence was never an answer and so did with death. But he did that to her. He himself DID that! Once he had convinced himself to commit suicide, but it meant nothing, it only left scars on his wrist and troubled his already broken heart. Then he swore to himself that he would not die before he could apologize to her, could ask forgiveness from the only woman he loved after his sister. To the only one who could bear his moodiness, coldness and famous anti-social attitude. To the one who had captured his heart. To his only redemption and also the source of his guilt.

His everything.

"Fuuko, come back and save me... I need you..."

.-.-.-.

Japan.

The land of gods and goddess. The land where she was born. Where she lived her life for years before she flew to Paris. It was the land where she had fallen in love for the first time and been hurt also. Her homeland. Her motherland.

_His_ home.

The fire in Fuuko's eyes dimmed lightly. Six years had passed, but she still was not able to forget him. She has been still thinking about him—but in a different way. She thought about him with love, affection and care before, but now those thoughts about him were mixed with pain, hatred and denial.

"Mom! Will we stay in Japan?" Her son's voice interrupted her thought.

"Yes, dear."

"Will I meet my father?"

Fuuko's eyes darkened for a moment. She smiled slightly, pinching her son's cheek playfully. "I don't know. Why do you want to see him, hmm?"

"Just because." Her little prince shrugged. "I just want to meet the man who left my mother and me alone."

"And what will you do?"

"Nothing, I guess," the boy laughed cheerfully. "I don't need him! I already have you!"

Fuuko smiled brightly and hugged her six-year old son. "Thank you."

"Well, seems like I'm not the one who got to hug your mother first, Touya-chan."

"Uncle Raiha!" Touya jumped onto his beloved uncle in front of his seat and hugged his neck him tightly. Soon, she found her boy standing on his own seat and chattering excitedly with Raiha. She smiled softly at the sight, and the old man beside her did the same too.

"He's a nice boy, Madame."

"Thank you, sir," Fuuko smiled politely to him.

"He has the right of all happiness on Earth." The old man nodded, his eyes glued to Touya, but he was not finished talking yet. Instead of saying adoration or else, he turned his head to her, showing a serious expression. "Even without his father, I suppose, Madame."

She tensed. Who was he, of all people, to say such words to her? Not just a simple phrase. He definitely seemed to know all the matter. Her mouth gapped open slightly, but before she could say a word, the old man put a finger on his lips.

"If you were wondering why, the only thing I could tell you is that I just know. That's all, Madame. That's all. Nothing more."

"Sir, I—"

"Sometimes, we need to run away, Madame. No—I mean, sometimes we have to run away." The old man leaned his back again onto his seat, and for a while his eyes showed that he was lost in his own thought. "We are all the same. I, for some reason, had run from trouble. I wasn't brave enough to face it. I was so afraid, like you are now."

"I'm not afraid."

The old man turned his head again and smiled lightly. Behind her firm words, he could read a hesitation and fear deep within. "You are, dear Madame. Trust me, I was once like you are now."

At the moment, she could not find anything to say. She could hear Touya's laughter mixed with Raiha's as she sat there, gaping in mute shock. _Am I afraid? I suppose... I am. But how could he know?_

"But you cannot run away for all the rest of your life. Nobody can. If you keep on running from your problems or your feelings and concealing yourself, you would find it harder and harder to find a hiding place... until you have no place to hide at all."

His words rang in her mind, and she was dazed by them. True, she had kept running all over again for almost six years, and she still had not found her answer yet. Like years before, she covered her pain and anguish with happy face and smiles all the time. She was a good actress. Life itself was more like a cheap movie without her making it like it was.

A movie or not, in the end she was still all alone. There was no 'hero' to save her or to confess his undying love to her. Instead of that, the 'hero' in her life had ruined her life. So she ran from him and also from her own fear. It was like she was keeping away from darkness and yet hiding in a shadowed place.

"Soon, you are going to face your biggest fear, Madame. Forgive me for meddling into your matter, but please, at least remember what I say. You cannot run forever."

The words echoed in her mind.

_You cannot run forever._

She gritted her teeth, hard. _He's right. I have to face it on my own. I have to, even if I don't know how or when. I'm still confused and lost, but he's right. I cannot run as always. These six years... they've been gnawing at me bit by bit. I have to stop... thinking it all over again..._

The old man's smile widened in assurance and comforting warmth. His eyes gazed at hers and without her saying it he knew she had thanked him from the bottom of her heart.

"Mom?"

Her son's voice called her back to the real world. Touya's grip on her hand made her remember that they were still on a trip to her homeland.

Or, in her concern, a trip to her greatest fear.

The old man smiled warmly at Touya, and the boy bowed respectfully. When she saw the old man run his hand through her son's hair, a bit of her wondered whether Touya's father would do the same or not. She snapped herself back quickly. They had not landed on Japan yet, but she was already wondering about him. She hated to remember him. She hated it. She hated it for even a little thing could make her think about him. About him as her ex-lover, as her son's father and as the ghost of her past.

_You are strong, Kirisawa Fuuko, _she reminded herself. _So stop thinking about him now! He's not someone so important to you anymore!_

"Mom?" Touya called again, tugging at her clothes. "Mom, are you alright?"

She smiled and ruffled Touya's hair, assuring him that she was just fine. "It's nothing, Touya, I'm just thinking about my friends."

"Will you introduce me to them?"

"Sure, dear. Uncle Raiha will do the same, I guess."

Raiha turned around at the mention of his name. He tipped her chin to raise her face up, and like usual, she put a fake smile on her face. "I will, Fuuko," the former raijin wielder smiled, "I'll make sure Touya meet Kurei-sama and the rest soon."

"Really, Uncle Raiha? Who is Kurei-sama? Is he a good man like you? I can't wait to meet mom's friends in Japan!"

_And maybe to meet your biological father who's never been with you all this time, too_, Raiha thought.

"Hold your horses, little prince," Raiha laughed and pushed Touya back to his seat. "We'll be home soon, so don't be impatient. Now sit and wear your seatbelt."

The boy cried out happily, and Fuuko plopped him down on his seat. The old man beside her laughed quietly as she struggled to get her son to stop fidgeting and sit calmly. Fuuko smiled politely at him in mutual respect. She knew that this old man was not an ordinary man. Deep inside her, she believed that the man knew more about her own life than she had ever contemplated.

"Thank you," Fuuko whispered softly, "Nostradamus-sensei."

"I am not him," the old man laughed. "I'm just a passing guy, dear Madame."

And the plane started to land.

.-.-.-.

In the airport...

Kurei hugged Fuuko and smiled at her. He looked at her only son and smiled at him, while Touya hid behind his mother, scared of this friend of his mother's.

"Please don't be afraid," Kurei reached his hand out for Touya. "I may look scary, but I won't hurt you."

A little relieved after he saw Kurei smiling softly at him, Touya asked him in a small voice, "Are you my mother's friend?"

"Yes. Call me Kurei."

"Fuukooooo!!" Domon ran to her and hugged her with his bone-breaking hug. "I miss you!!! Give me a welcome kiss!!"

"In your dream, idiot!" Fuuko punched him playfully, and Domon put her on the ground again.

"Welcome back, Fuuko." Recca smiled at her, while Yanagi hugged her and held back her tears of happiness.

Fuuko laughed softly. Deep inside her heart she truly wished Mikagami was here welcoming her, but she snapped away from her daydreaming. "I'm home."

.-.-.-.

First day of school had just ended for Touya, who was enthusing about his new school, teacher and friends excitedly.

"Mom, they all wanted to know about Paris, and I told them so much!! Miss Ohara was so nice, and she has such a pretty smile! Miss Ohara says she will help me on my—uh—adap—adaptation here and I—oh! And Miss Ohara—"

"You've told me that ten times already, dear." Fuuko laughed. They were walking along the sidewalk with Touya babbling cheerfully, his small hand nestled in the grip of his mother's.

"Mom, I have not!" The boy pouted. "Anyway, Mom, are we having dinner in Aunt Yanagi's home tonight?"

"Hmm... no."

"Mom!"

"I lied." Fuuko stuck out her tongue. "The answer is yes. And your two beloved uncles will be coming too. And Kurei. And Recca. And Domon. And Kaoru. And Ganko. And—"

"You don't have to mention their names. I know them all!"

"Oh, you do?"

"Mom, wait a minute, okay?" Touya tugged at her sleeve, made her stop, and he started running towards a stall. "I'll buy some ice cream for us. Wait for me!"

Fuuko watched her son's back and smiled softly. How he looked so much like his father from behind. His silvery hair and his blue eyes were the same as Mikagami's. But his son was hers. His father had no right over him. She had never told Mikagami about Touya, and she wanted to keep it a secret forever. Only the Hokages and the Uruhas knew who Touya's father was and none of them had betrayed her trust.

Touya. _Kirisawa_ Touya. Never _Mikagami _Touya.

_Her _son.

She inhaled deeply, and sighed.

She turned her head, searching for her son, but instead of finding him, her gaze caught a flash of silver hair from a distance. Her heart seemed like it had stopped beating. For all her life, only _one_ man she knew had silver hair like that.

His picture popped up inside her mind. Long, silvery hair pulled into high ponytail—now it had been cropped short, long bangs hiding his blue eyes, eyes that filled with sorrow.

Words from the old man on the plane suddenly seemed to become clearer.

_You cannot run forever. Soon, you are going to face your biggest fear, Madame_.

_My biggest fear_.

Mikagami Tokiya.

She just could not meet him here! Not when she was not ready! Not when her son was around! She started to get away, trying to avoid him as he walked towards her direction. He had not noticed her presence yet, but surely he would meet her soon if she just stood there helplessly.

And the worst happened. Her son, with two cones of ice cream, ran to her from behind him. Excited, the boy was not watching where he was going. A bump, an ice-cream cone falling to the ground from a chubby hand. And a large hand, outstretched, holding the boy and keeping him from falling.

_This can't be happening._

Two pairs of blue eyes locked in a still gaze. Mikagami Tokiya and Touya. Two men of a blood. The man was standing before his son.

She watched every move of his. She watched how he responded to Touya as her little boy apologized for slamming into him. She watched him smile ever so lightly like she remembered him do so, and her heart wrenched painfully.

Touya ran to her, only one ice cream in his hand. Mikagami stood behind Touya with both hands in his pockets, looking so lonely before her eyes.

"I'm sorry, Mom! I just dropped your ice cream! That man," he pointed at Mikagami, not noticing how his mother was nervously trying to hide her face under her bangs, "promises to buy me another ice cream as a make up. So will you—"

"I wouldn't mind sharing an ice cream with you," she cut him shortly. She took hold of her son's hand and without her noticing, she almost dragged Touya behind her.

"Mom? What's happened? Why are you leaving in such a hurry?"

"Let's just go home. Tonight we'll go to Yanagi's house."

The little boy squealed with happiness. Turning his head from the man who had wanted to buy him an ice cream before, he waved his hand and yelled cheerfully.

"See you next time, sir!"

Fuuko gritted her teeth, trying not to crush her son's hand in her palm. Immediately she waved her hand to call a cab and hurriedly pushed Touya to get inside before she got on too.

From the place he was standing at, Mikagami's eyes caught a flash of figure he knew all too well, right before the figure lost inside a cab. He tried to call the person, but the cab had gone, leaving him standing on the curb, yelling wildly at a rush of air. He ran after the cab, his legs carrying him forward, not caring about the curious eyes following him.

Because it was her he had seen.

He slowed down to a stop, breathing heavily. When he was younger, this same running activity would not have exhausted him, but it was different now. He was different from the Mikagami Tokiya he once was. Body, soul and heart.

It mattered that she was here again in Japan. He could finally be with her again. He could be happy again.

_Happy?_

What about your past, Mikagami? What about her pain and hurt you had caused? 

Mikagami swallowed painfully. He just did not know his answer yet.

"Fuuko..."

Saying her name left a sour taste on his broken heart. He couldn't blame her for leaving him. On the other hand, he did not know how to ask her to forgive him. He wanted her to forgive him, to erase all the pain from him and to love him once again.

But how?

.-.-.-.


	8. Chapter 8

**To Be Once Again with You**

Author: pratz

Disclaimer: nope, not mine still...

Notes: With so many thanks to my precious fellow, Anime Freak, and the sister of course, who had helped me gotta get through this, and no words could express how I respect all readers for your attention for this poor writer. This fic is doing to reach its end on Chapter 13, so... just see what'll happen next! Thank you!

**Chapter Eight: I was Swallowing My Pain**

Fuuko was driving to Yanagi's residence. _No_, she thought and smiled softly, _it was_ _Hanabishi's_ _residence_. They, her childhood best friend and his hime, were married almost for seven years and blessed with three children. The first was a boy, six-year old and at the same class with Touya. His name was Shinji. And the next was the twin, Hikari and Hikaru.

Sometimes she wondered if Touya had a complete family with his father at her side. Would he be happy because of that? Would he be less happy? She would do anything to keep his happiness and if his father just brings her beloved son sorrow, she would refuse his father firsthand.

She parked her car in front of Recca's house and rang the bell. Yanagi came out and Touya waved his hand at her.

"Night, Aunt Yanagi! Is Shinji there?"

"Yes. Just come in and go to his room." Yanagi bent down to kiss Touya's forehead. "He seems a little bit shy to go downstairs."

"Shy? No way! I'll drag him out!" Touya ran into the house and almost slammed Koganei down.

"Oii! Watch your step, boy!"

"Gomen, Koganei-niichan!"

Yanagi smiled briefly and saw Fuuko smiled too. "He's a good boy."

"Yeah. Never thought he was _his_ child."

Yanagi patted her shoulder softly and hold her hand to get her in. "Come now, Fuuko. No need to talk about it. Just enjoy the dinner, okay?"

From distant, a pair of ice blue eyes watched them carefully.

.-.-.-.

Behind the wheel steer, Mikagami's eyes narrowed at the sight. His arms rested on the steer with his chin upon them. He noticed it was the same boy whom had knocked into him less than six hours ago. Why did the boy come with her? And did he really hear that the boy just called Fuuko 'mother'? MOTHER?!

Yet he could not find any words at all. _A mother she really is. _A mother with a nice son. _How... when..._

She was as beautiful as ever—no—even more beautiful. Her usual smile was on her lips and her warm gaze was shining when she looked at her son. Her hair now touched her shoulders, yet the tomboyish attitude was still there. And here she was, standing in front of him, with her lovely son.

_A lovely boy son?_

The picture made him wince. Six years passed and here she was with another man. She surely had found someone she loved with all her heart and the man gave her a son—a lovely boy son. If there was anything, he wanted to be the one to hold her. Once again, jealousy and sadness flowed through his vein. How was he supposed to live like this? He loved everything about her. He always wanted to hold her in his arms. He longed to tell her that he wanted to be with her. Yet instead of living a dream like he did, she had gotten over him. She was forgetting him.

She did not notice him. Even when they met each other hours ago, she did not look at him. It seemed like she's always avoiding his gaze. To him it seemed as if she was trying not to look at him. And it hurt. It hurt a lot. The wounds at his heart were reopened again, and he almost could not bear the burning pain in his chest.

_Did she feel the same when I—when I hurt her? Did she feel like I feel now?_

He knew Yanagi would know where Fuuko was staying while she was in Japan, so he'd come here to ask her. He still remembered how the Hanabishis treated him after he dumped Fuuko, yet he didn't have any other choice. But he'd have never guess that he'd meet her this soon. He gritted his teeth. Hard. He knew he had to speak with her, whether she liked it or not, whether it would hurt them both. He just had to. With that determined thought, he opened his car door and slowly walked towards the Hanabishi's house.

.-.-.-.

"Pass the salt, Koganei."

"Why don't you get it yourself?"

"Because you're nearer than me and I don't want to stand up," Recca said, grinning widely. "And I'm your leader."

"_Former_ leader."

"Just get me the salt!"

"No way."

"You—" Recca's words were interrupted by the doorbell. He looked questioningly at Yanagi and she shook her head in negative. "I wonder who. I don't think we invited anyone else."

"Looks like you have to open the door, Recca-san." Raiha pointed his thumb at the front door's direction.

"Let us get it!" Shinji and Touya stood up and ran to the door, still wearing their napkins.

"Children." Joker raised his glass and laughed. "Always do what they want."

"Father! You have a guest!"

The second the guest entered the dining room, all eyes widened and jaws fell down.

Fuuko seemed like she had forgotten how to blink. There was agonizing communication between them. Her mouth gapped, but her voice was choked on her throat. _Why did he come? Didn't Recca say he invited no more guest? _What does he want? Was he happy to torture her? To see her crying?

"Mi—" Neon's couldn't help but lost her voice.

"Mikagami-san," Joker finished it for Neon.

"Wha—" Yanagi clutched her fork tightly.

"What are YOU doing here?!!" If there was someone that had to explode, then Recca would be the one. He jumped abruptly from his chair. The table shook and soon his twin child trembled to see their father burst out with his pent-up anger. "I told you I'm going to kil—"

Domon hit the table loudly with his palms. "All of you shut up! There are children here!!"

Silence.

"I'm leaving," Koganei stood and left the dining room. "Come on, Shinji, Touya. You don't have to watch this mess." A hint of frustration could be caught in his voice. He half-forced dragging them to go upstairs.

Recca felt a little bit of relief for Koganei's help. The fire wielder turned his head to his uninvited guest. "What do you want?"

"Saa. Leave this to me, Recca-san," Raiha patted Reccca's shoulder. "There's no need for you to talk with burning emotion. Go and cool your head."

.-.-.-.

Two young boys and were chatting happily in Shinji's room. Touya and Shinji, with innocence all over their face, missed a gloomy expression on the adult ones' face—on Koganei's face. A worry line crossed his still childish face, making him looked much older than he was. He did think seriously at the time. He hated it, he admitted. Why did Mikagami Tokiya have to show himself? Worst, that wrong guy showed himself up in wrong place and wrong time now that Fuuko looked like she had gotten over him—and he was much pleased with that. He loved his Fuuko-neechan so much that it hurt him to see her so depressed like she was before.

"Koganei-niichan? Koganei-niichan, are you alright?"

He snapped away. "Huh? Oh. Nothing big, Shinji. Just thinking, anyway."

"Who is that man?" Shinji murmured in low voice.

"Hmm?"

"Otousan's guest. It's like he made everybody feel uneasy. I don't like him."

"It's improper to say such words like that, Shinji," Koganei forced a smile. _This boy is smart_, he thought.

"I met him once."

Shinji's and Koganei's eyes were pinned to Touya. The said boy played with Koganei's Rubix cube slowly, trying to ignore the curiosity in his camaraderie's gaze.

"My mother and I met him when we were going home from my school. I dropped my ice cream after accidentally running into him, and he offered to buy me another one."

Koganei swallowed, hurtfully. _If only you know who he really is, Touya_.

"There must be something hidden by Father," Shinji said. "It must be very bad—for Father himself have to cover it."

"Secrets, eh?" Touya mouthed silently, smiling bitterly. "I hate it."

"Hey, you two are boys, so act just like boys should. Stop talking about older people's business." Koganei poked their head playfully. "Or you'll get older much faster."

"I don't mind getting older, Koganei-niichan," Touya said in plain tone. For the first time, there was a serious expression written on his face. "If getting older means I can face someone, then I will be glad to get older."

"Facing who?"

"A man who had left my mother," he said quietly, but loud enough to be heard. "My own father."

.-.-.-.

Kurei stood still. Domon glared at the stoic man before him. If only Yanagi had not held him, his punch must have landed on Mikagami's face. Neon and her sisters left the room but not before they muttered sardonic curses for Mikagami. Recca, hand in hand with Yanagi, also left with their twin in their arms. Joker smiled sarcastically at Mikagami before sitting down again on his seat.

"Joker-san?"

"I'll stay, dear Raiha."

Raiha turned his head and looking at Kurei. "Kurei-sama?"

"I'm not leaving."

"So, Mikagami-san," Raiha started to speak to Mikagami, "what brings you here?"

"I—" he hesitated for a while. "I want to... speak... with Fuuko."

"Speak? I see. I thought you had sealed your mouth after years," Joker said sardonically.

Mikagami's eyes twitched lightly, but what hurt him the most was that Fuuko never looked at him. Her eyes were blank and her face was forlorn. He swallowed hardly before he opened his mouth again. "Fuuko... please? I just want—"

"Speak," she cut him short.

"Are you sure, Fuuko?" Joker patted Fuuko's shoulder softly, in order to give her a support.

Mikagami flinched to see that. He could not even touch her, but this man had put his hand on her shoulder. How he wished to be someone to hold her. "Personally?" Mikagami pleaded.

"You have no right to ask me anything."

"Fuuko..." He reached his hand out to touch her, but she snapped his hand away quickly.

"Don't touch me, Mikagami-san."

_Mikagami-SAN?!_ _What happened with 'Mi-chan'?! _No, he must be wrong. His ears must be betraying him.

"Fuuko, I—"

"I don't want to see you again," she said coldly. Never had he heard her as cold as she was now. "Leave."

"No, Fuuko, please..."

Instead of answering him, she abruptly stood up. She stopped in front of the stair and calling for her son. Mikagami knew she was going to go home. He saw Touya poke his head out from Shinji's room and a glint of disappointment was on the boy's eyes. Koganei grumbled, his amusement had to end by force and it worsened when he saw that Kurei hadn't kicked Mikagami off yet.

"Come on, dear. You still have a school tomorrow. Let's go home."

"Aww, Mom... please..."

"No whimpering."

She took her son's hand and got out from the house. Kurei nodded at her, signalling that he would bide goodbye to Recca and Yanagi for her.

She was trying to open his car's door, but her hands shook and the keys fell down from her hand.

"Here, let me help you." Raiha picked her keys up and took the driver seat. "I don't believe you can drive calmly at this time and, if anything, I don't want Touya to get into an accident."

"But—"

"No buts, Fuuko. Just take a seat and let me drive."

"Are you going to be driving us home, Uncle Raiha?" Touya jumped in excitement.

Koganei almost did not believe it when he recalled that Touya acted so mature just before. He really was Mikagami's son for he could cover everything inside his heart with a mask, Koganei admitted.

"Yes, so get in now. Hurry up or you're gonna be late to sleep tonight," Raiha smiled.

Mikagami watched all with jealousy mixed with pain. It should be him in Raiha's place! Had she replaced him with the purple-haired former Raijin wielder?

"Jealous, aren't you?" Joker smirked evilly. "You DON'T have to be. You weren't there when she needed you the most."

It struck him painfully. _They don't understand, _he thought. They only saw him as a man who wanted to hurt her, use her and finally leave her alone.

"Joker!" Fuuko yelled from inside the car. She poked her head out from the window.

"Yes, Ma'am?"

"You don't have to." She smiled brightly. Her smile faded away when she glanced at Mikagami. "Just don't taint your hand with his blood, okay? He doesn't deserve even to be touched by you."

Joker waved goodbye to her as the car moved away. Recca came out from the house and his eyes flickered in anger to see that Mikagami was still there.

"Fuuko's gone home?"

"She said goodbye and thanks for the dinner," Kurei answered.

Recca sighed. He turned his body and glared at Mikagami. "Why are you still here? Get your damn ass off my house! Or do you want me to call my dragons like I've said before?!"

"I would gladly help you," Kurei said coldly.

"Hey! No fighting in the house!" Joker jumped between them. "You heard Fuuko, Kurei-sama! Never his blood to taint your hands!"

Slowly, Mikagami turned back and went away. No words. His was fading away amidst the darkness. He looked so lonely and full of sorrow, but no one of them took care of it.

.-.-.-.

She was going home... with another person. She even did not say goodbye to him. She ignored him while he longed to go to her and pleaded with her to talk to him. It hurt him to see her so cold. She did not suit the coldness or harshness. She was sunshine and strawberry-tasted and heaven.

Jealous, yes he was, but once he let go the anger control him, he would be the Mikagami Tokiya who had hurt Fuuko. He could not let himself be that person. Not again.

He could not share his sorrow either. Not with his 'family', not with his sister, not even with the only woman who once had promised to stay with him. His last redemption was his source of pain now.

Nobody could save him now.

He was alone, trying to bear his pain alone, and in the end he was stuck in his own darkness.

.-.-.-.


	9. Chapter 9

**To Be Once Again with You**

Author: pratz

Disclaimer: come on, will you believe have I said it's mine?

Notes: With all my thanks for Anime-Freak, and, of course, all my readers. I'm nothing without you all! From now on, I use another song since John Lennon's _Jealous Guy_ had finally done on the eighth chapter, and it'll be Coldplay's _The Scientist_.

**Chapter Nine: Tell Me Your Secrets and Nurse Me Your Questions**

He had been waiting for the boy almost a half day. It was 11.40 AM now and elementary school should be ending in five minutes.

He could find out all about Fuuko from the boy—maybe even who the boy's father was, a man she loved beside him. This was his only way of discovering the truth. And he was not the type of person who let a chance just pass away. So here he was, waiting for Touya so he could escort him home.

The school bell rang. The children ran all over the yard. He's only looking for one particular person. And then he saw the boy.

"Touya!"

Touya stopped running and pulled Shinji's sleeve, making the next enjutsushi stop running also. "I've met you before, right?"

"Yes. Care to go home with me?"

"He won't go home with you." Shinji took a step forward and glared at Mikagami. "My father told me to be watchful of you. I won't let you hurt Touya."

"I'm not going to hurt Touya, Hanabishi-kun. I just want to walk him home."

"You can't."

"It's alright, Shinji." Touya smiled. "He is my mother's and your father's friend, right? And if he really wants to kidnap me, I just have to yell loudly, right?"

"But—"

"See you tomorrow, Shinji!" Touya took Mikagami's hand and left the confused Shinji behind.

Mikagami watched the boy with confusion too. How easily Touya had let him, a stranger, walk home with himself although the boy had only met him twice and did not know him very well yet.

"Why do you let me walk you home?"

"Because you are my mother's friend and I want to know all of her friends."

"Did you ever know me?"

"I don't know yet. But my mother is always happy when she tells me stories about her friends."

"My name is Mikagami Tokiya."

"I know. My mother called you Mikagami-san."

"Sounds distant, doesn't it? It makes me sound like a stranger."

"Uncle Mikagami." Touya smile warmly at him. It reminded Mikagami of Fuuko's smile. But of course his smile would; he was her son after all! "Why didn't you come for dinner last night? Aunt Yanagi is a great cook."

"They don't want to see me."

"Why?"

"Because they prefer not to see me."

"I'm sorry for that, Uncle Mikagami. By the way, next time there'll be a dinner at my home. I'll invite you." Touya reached out his small finger for him and his innocent smile grew wider. "You'll come, too. Promise me?"

He intertwined his own pinky finger with Touya's. "I promise."

Same words. Same promises. Only he was in Fuuko's position and Touya in his.

_Fuuko..._

"Uncle Mikagami?"

"Yes?"

"Let's play at the park! Please! We won't be late and my mother won't be angry."

He smiled slightly. "Is she frightening when she's angry?"

Touya shrugged his shoulder, giggling cutely. "A little. But I'm not afraid of anything!"

_Same Fuuko, _he thought. _She never changed._

.-.-.-.

Touya swung himself on the swing happily while Mikagami sat calmly beside him. There were only some people at the park. Having not much to be said, he bought Touya ice cream.

"Why don't you swing?"

"I—" Mikagami trailed off awhile. "I'm not a man who enjoys playing on the swing like this." It sounded pathetic, but he took no heed to care. That was the reality he could not deny.

He really was a pathetic man after all.

"Why?"

"I have... a lot of work to do."

"Don't you have time to relax?"

"I think I don't want to."

"Why?"

"Because I'm not working, my mind will fly to another places and times. I hate imagining things."

"I like to imagine things." Touya laughed a little. "Why don't you like to do that?"

"Just because."

Touya looked at him with concern. Suddenly he realized that the man beside him looked so sad and haunted by sorrow. What a contrary with his Uncle Raiha or Uncle Joker.

"Can I sit on your lap?"

Mikagami frowned a bit, but then he let Touya did so.

"Do you know Uncle Raiha? I always like his lap. He's so comforting. Uncle Joker too, but he's a little bit childish. Uncle Kurei is a silent man, but I know he's kind-hearted too. Uncle Recca and Aunt Yanagi—well—I've never seen a pair like them, even in Paris."

"Paris?"

"Yes. I was born there and lived in Paris for six years."

He nodded in understanding. _So that's it_. She was living in Paris; that was why he never was able to find her. Recca and friends must have hidden it very well from him. So she was living in far away place, with other man and had a son.

How painful.

"Uncle Mikagami? Uncle Mikagami? Are you alright?"

"Huh? Yes, I'm alright."

"It's not good to muse away, you know. Never mind. I just want to tell you about Koganei-niichan and Ganko-neechan. And Aunt Neon, Aunt Miki and Aunt Aki."

"I know them enough without you telling me."

"You're not funny." Touya pouted. "But I like you. You smell so comforting."

That was what he always thought of her. "Where's your father?"

Touya's gaze dimmed, but he quickly covered it with a smile. "No father. I don't have one. My mother said he's never a part of my life. And I do think so. She's always right, and he doesn't deserve to be."

He wished his own son would never say such a thing.

"Didn't your mother tell you anything about him?"

"She did—once. She said he hurt her and used her."

'_Hurt her...'_

"She said she loved him, but he doesn't deserve to be loved after what he did to my mother."

'_Doesn't' deserve...'_

"I wonder why he did something terrible to her. My mother is the gentlest person. If I find that man, I will make him beg for my mother's forgiveness. I hate everyone who makes her cry."

'_Made her cry...'_

"You love her so much, don't you?"

"Of course! She's the best mother in the world. You know, she's a single parent and she works to earn us a living. Don't you think she's so strong?"

_Yes. She's always strong. Stronger than me indeed_.

"I know how hard it is to be a single parent. My former teachers told me so. When I whined and told her I wanted a father, Mom always said she would be my mother and father as well. I love her for that!"

"Do you—" his voice cracked and reduced to almost a whisper, "—do you know about... you father?"

Touya shook his head. "What's the point of it? She said he was martial artist. A swordsman, if I'm not mistaken. Cool enough, I think. And one more thing, she hates mirror house because of him. That's why I always go to mirror houses without her. Maybe sometimes you could take me to the mirror house, Uncle Mikagami?"

'_She hates mirror house because of him...'_

_Impossible..._

'_She hates mirror houses because of him...'_

_It's impossible..._

"Sometimes I wonder who he is. I want to know his face. I want to know the man my mother once loved. I even wish that I had a complete family like the others. But after I think about it, I realize that I don't want it. Do you know why, Uncle Mikagami?"

"Why?" he whispered hoarsely. He saw Touya yawn and snuggle to his chest, the boy's head on his shoulder. How could he become such an idiot? How stupid could he get for not realizing Touya's physical trait? His spiky, silvery hair, his blue eyes, and his chin... They were as same as his! Was he...

"Because I don't need him."

.-.-.-.

He walked slowly with a sleeping Touya on his back. The boy's head dropped onto his shoulder, and his school bag was slung on his left arm. They did look like a real father and son, and more than once he saw other pedestrians watch them with praising looks.

He stopped in front of her door. Hesitating for a while, he finally let his trembling hand do the push.

"Coming!" she yelled from the back of the house.

He heard steps come toward him. Her face was the only thing he saw when she opened the door. She froze, eyes widened, as she saw him carry Touya on his back.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Hissing furiously, she and quickly got a hold of Touya. She supported Touya's weight on her hip and moved to close the door, but he was quicker. His right hand reached out to prevent her from doing so, but still he got his hand sandwiched between the door and the doorframe.

He ignored the pain on his hand and forced himself through. "No, Fuuko! I must talk to you! Please!"

"Get out, Mikagami."

He closed the door and held her shoulders, keeping her stand in front of him. "You have to listen! We must have a talk! Please, Fuuko—"

"Don't 'Fuuko' me. You've lost the right to 'Fuuko' me ever since you hurt me, damn it. Who do you think you are to give me commands?" she said coldly, ignoring the desire to touch his bleeding palm and nurse him. "Fine. You have five minutes to talk after I put Touya in bed. I don't want him to know who you really are behind your glorious mask."

He watched her go upstairs, silently praising her still beautiful appearance and sitting on her sofa. His palm stung with pain, but he did not care. A minute later she came down with a first-aid box.

"Give me your hand."

He gave her his bleeding, bruised hand. She cleaned it with antiseptic, making him wince in pain. A soft hiss escaped from his lips, and she raised her head to look at him.

"It's your own fault."

"I know."

She smeared a painkiller cream on his wound. He shivered at the touch but tried his hardest not to show how much he loved this moment.

_Yes, it's supposed to be like this, _he thought.

"You shouldn't do that. You're not a left-handed." She stopped and frowned, seeing the horizontal scars across his wrist. "What's this?"

"Just say that it's a gift." He tried to pull his hand back, but Fuuko held it firmly, refusing to let go until she finished. She bandaged his palm carefully and just let go of his hand after she finished. Without his telling her, she already knew what kind of scars they were.

They were suicide-attempt scars.

He ever tried to kill himself—she had just realized.

She sighed, a bit of regret crawling over her, but quickly she snapped it away. Why did she, of all people, have to be sorry? "Now talk."

"I want to apologize." If he only had five minutes, it was better to use them wisely. It was the same words like six years ago, like the last time he talked to her.

"I've already heard the same statement many times. I'm sick of it."

"Yes, I know. I beg you... please."

"Oh yes, you KNOW. It's amazing how you make your face just like a wall, how you take your heart and turn it off. Of course you KNOW. You KNOW everything." Her voice rose in sarcasm. "The only thing you don't know is that you caused all of this. You left me, not the other way around. It's not me, but you."

"Fuuko... please don't do this to me... I—"

"I do what?! Don't even try to use reverse psychology on me. It's you who caused all of these! It's you! It's always YOU, damn it!" she yelled at him furiously. Tears began to form on the corners of her eyes. No, she had promised to herself she would not allow herself to cry again. Not in front of him. But the rebel tears kept flowing down, and in no time her face grew redder with anger, pain and stress.

He let her cry her heart out, and he cried too inside his heart. His entire body screamed to set his whole heart free. He wanted to have her in his arm, to hold her and never let go, but she would never let him do so.

So he just sat there, beside her, and watched her crying.

.-.-.-.

taken from Matchbox Twenty's _Leave_. I imagine Fuuko talking to herself like this; "_I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell._" What do you think?


	10. Chapter 10

**To Be Once Again with You**

Author: pratz

With all my thanks to my beta Anime-Freak and, of course, G-Cleft (I'll always be waiting for the next installment of _Love_, _Be_ _Eternal_, pal!)

Sorry for the long delay is still caught in the _Gundam_ _Seed_ addiction . I honestly think I need reviews for this because the ending doesn't run as smooth as I firstly wanted it to be—and maybe it'll disappoint some of you readers. Please spare my life and send me reviews! Ja!

**Chapter Ten: Running in Circles, Coming in Tails**

The next day he waited again for Touya. Leaning on his car, he watched his watch and felt relieved when he saw that the boy was running towards him.

"Uncle Mikagami!"

"Hey," he replied simply. "Where's your friend? Recca's son, I mean."

"Shinji? He got—umm—a _detention_... and he told me to go home without him."

"Detention?" Mikagami smiled slightly. "Like father like son."

"What?"

"Nothing. Let's go home."

In his car, Touya babbled endlessly, and Mikagami always answered him with short and simple answers. It didn't matter to Touya, tough, since he began to enjoy the older man's company.

Mikagami wondered if Touya really was his own child. If he was, he would gladly accept him. He would give him the love he never got for six years. He would be his real father—forever.

"Where are we going, Uncle Mikagami?"

"Hmm—let's see... mirror house? No. Ice-cream parlor? I'm bored with that. Fun World? We visited it two days ago. I don't know. You choose for us."

"You have a very nice car, Uncle Mikagami. Hold it—err—you told me once—Ferrari Testa—Testarossa, right? I remember it! So why don't we just go around in this car?"

"No."

"Pleaseeee..."

"Okay, okay. No whimpering."

Touya suddenly stilled for a moment while Mikagami was waiting for his response.

"Touya?"

"It's nothing. I just—well—you sounded like my mother. She always says 'no whimpering' if I started to whine or be a cry-baby."

He smiled. "I'm not your mother, but I think everyone will say that to you."

"Not funny!!"

.-.-.-.

He accompanied Touya for whole day until the boy's little body could not stand the fatigue any longer. He fell asleep during a ride along the river, and Mikagami would have to carry him home. No problem; he liked the boy very much. He sighed, feeling warm as he saw Touya's peaceful face beside his seat.

"So much like Fuuko," he murmured softly, fingering the boy's bang aside. He was not wrong. Although Touya had some resemblances to him, Fuuko's physical appearance could be easily found in the boy's adorable face. His lips were his mother's and so was his jaw line. Touya was not girlish, but he was still sweet enough. He smiled thinly for in the past there would always be people who mistook him for a girl.

At her door, Fuuko greeted him with harsh mutters. He shrugged and asked permission to take Touya to the boy's room.

"Let me put him down on the bed and I'll go. I promise."

Upstairs, Mikagami laid down the boy and covered him with a warm blanket. Touya had once said that the blanket was made by his mother. Mikagami stroked the texture with his finger and could feel Fuuko's love for her son. He kissed Touya's forehead and closed the door.

Fuuko was waiting for him at the end of the stair.

"I know what you're doing, Mikagami. Do not ever think about using Touya to get me back. I won't. I'm not going back. Leave my son alone."

"Who's his father?"

"You don't have the right to know."

"_I_ _do_. He told me about his unknown father. He told me how he wished to meet the man you once loved." His voice trembled lightly at the end, pain crawling in his heart to say the last part of the sentence.

"He hates his father, am I right? I see. Actually, I never want him to ever know about that ugly emotion, but it's quite alright. Instead I'll say it's good."

"What's good?"

"His hatred."

"No! You can't allow him to ha—"

"Then hate yourself!!" she yelled and grabbed him by the collar of his coat. "Hate yourself for all your mistakes! For using me and hurting me! For never being his real father!!!"

He was startled. _So it was true..._ "He's—Touya is... my... son?" His voice wavered, cracking hoarsely with pent-up emotion.

"He is NOT!! He's not your son and will NEVER be your son!! He is the son of the man I love! NOT you!!!"

He swallowed, hurtfully.

"Who do you think you are? You're a stranger to him! You're never there when he cried, asking for a father he never knew! You're never there when he fell from a tree and got hurt! You're never there when his school held parents' day! You're never there in his entire life! You were NEVER there! Do you hear me, Mikagami?!"

Anger and stress raged through her body. Her knees went weak. He reached his hand out to steady her, and she did not even have the power to snarl at him.

He held her tightly as she sobbed against his chest. Six years... Six years and finally he could touch her and close the space between them. He buried his face in her hair and kissed it softly. He stroked her hair and back soothingly, trying to lessen her agony. She clutched the front of his coat so tightly he almost thought she would rip it off.

"You took everything from me... My life, my freedom and even my pride... But I won't let you do the same with MY son... I won't let you..."

"Fuuko... please..."

"He is not yours... never yours... He's Mikagami Tokiya's son. You are _not _him."

"Fuuko, I—"

"I loved you—I do love you—and yet you hurt me... You hurt me, bastard." She chanted the words hoarsely and broken-heartily. He massaged her nape to lessen her tenses there. "You did nothing but use me..."

"I'm sorry—so sorry..." He kissed her tears away. Salty yes, but he did not give a damn to care. "Please... forgive me... don't give up on me, Fuuko..."

His lips traveled to nibble on her ear. He suckled and bit it gently, trailing the very tip of his tongue on its canals and purring. She shivered softly. She knew him all too well. When she recalled her memories of him years ago, she gritted her teeth so hard they hurt. Damn him. Damn him for everything he had done to her. Damn him for making her stand on uncertainty even now.

Damn him for—for—

—for loving her like this.

He gently swept her bang aside and put a soft tender kiss on her forehead. He began to nuzzle her neck and was paid with a little murmur of pleasure from her. And even in her vain attempt to free herself, he could sense her eagerness. It was so faint he could have missed it. He loved it. He loved everything about her. He had loved her and loved her still.

One hand trailed sensuously along her spine, stroking her back. His lips trailed warm kisses across her neck, his tongue laved at the pulse point behind her ear again, making her gasp softly.

"Go away... You only use me... You never love me..."

"Not true... I love you..."

He tilted her face towards him for a kiss. He kissed her full on the mouth with all hunger and longing he had suppressed for six years. It was a kiss full of sadness and pleading—his plea for her not to leave him again... and to forgive him. She suckled softly at his bottom lip as his hands wandered around the small of her back. She let down her defenses as her fingers buried themselves in his silvery hair. When she moaned with reaction, he slipped his tongue into her mouth, tasting the one and only woman he had chosen to be with all this time.

His palm slid underneath the silken fabric of her shirt to stroke the soft skin of her waist. She arched against him, deepening their breathless kiss. His hands slowly slid both layers of the shirt off from her shoulders which left her exposed to him.

She broke the kiss and shivered as the cold air touching her skin, gasping as she felt his hands caress her abdomen, his mouth traveling to her shoulder to lay an open-mouthed kiss there.

"You carried my child once," he said as he stroked her belly affectionately. "Wish I ever knew that."

They fell backward onto the sofa, with him sprawled on top of her, and they both moaned softly. He kissed her fiercely over and over again, and instead of struggling, she was kissing him back until she was writhing passionately beneath him.

"Touya's up there..."

"Do you want me to stop?"

His eyes were full of loneliness and agony she wanted to sweep away. Beneath those emotions, she finally fully realized that she was not the only one who had been suffering all this time.

"It's ironic, isn't it?" she smiled sadly, sardonically. "You hurt me, and yet this way we still share the same pain. I think I'm going crazy already."

"We both aren't crazy, Fuuko, maybe just a little unwell."

"Unwell..." she murmured, strangely sounded bitter and rough at the same time.

"Looks like we've hurt each other," he answered; his voice cracked—if only she did not know him better, she might have guessed that he was holding his tears. He swallowed. "I don't want to hurt you, Fuuko. You're right. I caused all of this."

"Hah! Now you realize it. How smart of you."

"Do you want me to stop?" A repetition of his question before.

She didn't answer him but unbuttoned his coat instead. He struggled to get himself out of his clothes, and she breathed a sigh of relief. She pulled him down and locked their mouths in fiery kisses. The cloudy night outside was a contrary to the wildness in the corner of the house.

.-.-.-.

pratz's corner:

Kandeis: thank you!

wingsstars07: they will, but just wait, 'kay

Massao28: I really thank you that you mind to mail me! And yes, I'm a Beatlemania!

Nikoi: yoo!

JamJam-Chan: what's next? This.

silvermidnight kat: auwww... we're the silver family, aren't we? o Touya from YYH? Nope. I like Touya Akira from Hikago better! And guess what? It's finally released in my country! Touya! Touya! o silly pratz!

G-Cleft: still busy, my friend? Hope you'll catch your time again soon!

The fic I'm currently reading: Hikago's _Inside_ _and_ _Out_ Yuy Miyamoto, Inuyasha's _Youkai_ _Society_ HeartlessEnchantress, and Gundam Seed's _Asphyxiation_ Leizel Ann. Take a look at them! They're really good!


	11. Chapter 11

**TO BE ONCE AGAIN WITH YOU**

Author: pratz

Disclaimer: not mine, ever.

**Chapter Eleven: No One Ever Said It Would Be This Hard**

"_Mom... why don't I have a father?"_

"_What do you mean, sweetheart?"_

"_All of my friends have a father. Their fathers came to school today. I only had Uncle Raiha coming for me instead of my father. Why don't I have one?"_

"_Touya..."_

"_I want a father! I want my father! I want MY father!"_

"_Touya, please... listen to me, dear." She was on the limit of crying, she knew it. "Please... ask everything but not that one. I can't give you that... I can never give you."_

"_Why, Mom? Does it mean I will have no father forever?"_

"_Touya—"_

"_I want a father! Please, Mom! Just a father and I won't ask for anything more! I want my father!"_

"_Touya!_ _No whimpering! Please... listen to me..."_

_His cries stopped after he saw the hurt expression on his mother's face. He knew he had just done something bad, something that made his mother sad._

"_I'm sorry, Mom. I didn't mean to make you cry. I'm so sorry. Please?"_

"_Mom loves you, Touya. I will never let anything bad happen to you. I will never let you cry. Even if we don't have a man for you to call him a father like others. Even if we have to face anything just by ourselves."_

"_I love you, Mom," He hugged her tightly._

"_I love you, too," Fuuko whispered against her son's silver hair. "I will always be your mother... and your father also. I promise."_

.-.-.-.

She swallowed down agonizingly after remembering all of those painful memories.

"No, I would not sleep on this bed of lies... So toss me out and turn in... And there'll be no rest for these tired eyes... I'm marking down and learning... I am." She hummed the song quietly. For years, it had matched her sentiment, but now it sounded too bitter on her own tongue and to her ear. It seemed like it was laughing at her, at her foolishness.

How stupid she was!

_Idiot!_

The words were supposed to be attached for her, not him. She let him spend all night long with her—in the same house where her son was sleeping peacefully. _How could you, Fuuko!_

"It was a mistake," she whispered harshly. He had left before dawn after he kissed her goodbye, and now she was just preparing breakfast for Touya. Her hand shook with rage and distressed. She was angry with herself. She should not let him being closer with Touya. He was her past!

"You're a past, Mikagami Tokiya," she said painfully.

A tear hit the wooden table and glittered as if mocking her.

.-.-.-.

Koganei never wanted to be a part of this entire mess. He enjoyed his life, unlike the man who hid his fragility behind an icy mask, unlike Mikagami Tokiya. How he hated to be trapped in a tangled web of emotion, hurt and betrayal like this.

And he hated how confused he was now.

"You're not going to walk him home."

They stood before the school gate, Mikagami, hand in hand with Touya, and Koganei before them. The older man only gave a questioning stare at the former Kougon Anki wielder.

"Come, Touya. You're going home with me. Your mother told me to."

"But, Koganei-niichan—"

"Touya wants to go home with me," Mikagami said.

Gritting his teeth, Koganei glared at his former teammate. _If only I have my Kougon Anki with me..._ "Get your hand off. Don't force me to fight you."

"Make me."

"You cold-hearted bastard," Koganei hissed dangerously. "Wasn't it enough for you torturing her all this time? I won't let you use a child for your selfish need. You won't be happy before you crush her into bits, will you? You damn iceberg. I regret ever knowing you."

Touya frowned a little. He didn't understand where this conversation was leading to, but he could catch Koganei's whispered words like 'cold-hearted bastard' or 'iceberg' or 'regret ever knowing you' or 'crush her to bits' or worse... 'torturing her all this time'.

_Who was 'her'?_

His Uncle Mikagami was one of his favorite uncles after all. Why did his Koganei-niichan not like him? Did they hate each other? He had heard the conversation at the Hanabishi residence. They said some harsh words to his Uncle Mikagami. Even his ever-excited Uncle Joker did too.

Uncle Recca got mad at his Uncle Mikagami.

Aunt Yanagi did not invite his Uncle Mikagami to the dinner.

And his mother did not talk to his Uncle Mikagami.

_Why?_

Slowly, realization dawned on his face, followed by disbelief and hurt. His Uncle Mikagami could not be...

"I'll go home with you, Koganei-niichan. But with Shinji too."

Koganei stared at the boy with relief while Mikagami seemed like he could not believe Touya's words.

"Fine. I'll get Shinji. Just wait for me here, OK?" Glaring at Mikagami, he warned him not to do something stupid and ran looking for Shinji.

Touya watched Mikagami cautiously. His mouth gaped open when he found the similarities in their physical features. Why did not he realize earlier? Tears formed on his eyes, yet he tried his hardest to deny his thought.

"It was you." His voice cracked when he said the words.

Mikagami froze.

The boy knew.

.-.-.-.

When Koganei arrived with Shinji, Mikagami and Touya were not there anymore. He stuck his head looking for them or at least one of them but found no one.

Mikagami ran after the upset Touya across the backyard of the school. The boy slapped his hand away after he tried to touch him, and he ran away from him. Damn it to hell, it hurt him a lot.

"Touya! You got it all wrong! Listen to me!"

"No way! I hate you!"

Touya suddenly stopped. They were on each side of the street, and Touya did not want him to come any nearer.

"It was you, wasn't it?" his voice trembled with restrained sobs. Behind his teary eyes, Mikagami could see the boy's silent plea for him to deny it or simply just to tell him that he was wrong.

Mikagami swallowed painfully. "Touya—I—your mother never told me so—and I—"

"NOOO!!" Touya screamed brokenly and began to run away again.

"Touya!"

From his sight, he saw a truck, a very big truck, advancing on Touya's direction. He screamed in horror to get the boy to move. Behind him, Koganei was screaming out the same thing. But it was too late. The boy could not avoid the oncoming vehicle.

A memory of her crying in front of him flashed in his mind.

A memory of him bent down on his knees, trapped in insecurity and loneliness, because of her leaving.

She would be sad if something happened to her beloved, beautiful boy, and it would make him despondent as well.

So he jumped over Touya to save him.

To save _his_ very own son.

_Their _son.

A minute later, Koganei came to see a dying man lying on the road. The man's own blood was pooling around him. The little boy in his arm was saved without any injury. Mikagami had used his own body as a shield to protect Touya.

"Damn!!" Koganei hoped his eyes were betraying him, for he was seeing Mikagami's head bleeding badly after being hit against the hard asphalt. He took Touya and got Mikagami moved from the road. The traffic became chaotic, and Koganei yelled to Shinji to get an ambulance quickly.

Koganei saw Touya trembling with tears streaked along his face and felt himself wanting to cry as well.

.-.-.-.

Touya sat on the chair in front of the emergency room. His eyes were blank, and blood was all over his clothes.

His _Uncle _Mikagami's blood.

"It is my fault," he whispered softly.

"Is not," Koganei squeezed his arm. Koganei's own shirt was also tainted with Mikagami's blood, but he did not bother to change it before going to the hospital. "It's not anyone's fault. Not yours, not the driver's, nor Mikagami's. So don't blame yourself, OK?"

"Koganei-niichan?"

"Yes?"

"Why does everyone hate Uncle Mikagami?"

It struck Koganei. He could not answer that question. Only Mikagami or Fuuko herself could do it.

"Touya, it's not like what you think, you know. I—" Koganei was at loss for words. "I have no right to answer you. By the way, why don't you go home and change your clothes? You don't suit the blood." He forced a grin, trying to change the topic as good as he could.

"You did not answer me. I want an answer."

"Listen here, boy. Mikagami was—" Koganei took a big amount of air before continued. "Mikagami _is_ one of the most complex men I've ever known. You'll never find any other person like him. But even a perfect star has its weaknesses and Mikagami had done once wh—"

The corridor's door suddenly burst open and Fuuko ran to them. Koganei exhaled in relief. She was very worried and in panic. Fear was written all over her face, her lips quivering. Breathing hard, her clothes were rumpled.

"Touya! You're safe!" She hugged her son, but he did not hug her back. "Koganei, I owe you so much. I don't think I can repay you. How can I—"

"Yeah, whatever. I was there anyway. You'll do the same if you were in my position."

"How is Mi-ch—Mikagami?"

"Don't know yet. The doctor said he is in critical condition," Koganei trailed off. "Yanagi-neechan and the other will be here soon."

They were there when the doctor finally came out from the emergency room. Hurriedly, Recca rose from his seat and grabbed the doctor by his arm. Although he hated Mikagami for what he had done to Fuuko, he would hate Mikagami even more if the iceman managed to get himself killed so stupidly. _A member of Hokage died because of an accident! Died my ass!_

"How is Mikagami?"

The doctor patted Recca's shoulder. His face was gloomy. Everyone waited tensely and held their breaths.

"We've tried our best, sir, but—"

"But what?!!"

"I really am sorry, sir, but I'm afraid that Mikagami-san cannot walk anymore."

.-.-.-.

taken from "Bed of Lies" by Matchbox Twenty

From pratz to the reviewers:

insaneinsane: mikagami isn't that bad, but yes... he'd been like an ass in the past (on this fic). Thank you!

Losingmymind: me? Really? Sankyuuu!

damouse: do you know why? Because beauty could only be born from sadness—Chinese saying—and I kinda agree with that. Yes, Mi-chan's sweating right now, hahaha

G-Cleft: beloved G-Cleft! I love you too! You're still my one of fave fic authors!

Dark Phoenix: NC-17? Maybe latter. Care to send me an idea for it? Hope will see you soon!

Galaxie: this is the update

wingsstars07: 'betsuni' is kinda like "it's nothing" in English. No, they hadn't reached the room upstairs, why? You should ask Sigmund Freud o

IllusionistAria: I'm honored

Anonymous: it's a happy-ending fic (hopefully). "Happily ever after"? Not like that. The phrase only exists in a story or legendary tales.

JamJam-Chan: Hontouni gomennasai! I now know what it's like to get a cliffhanger here that I'd gotten Harry Potter #5 like that (Sirius... hic-hic)

Ange: thanks!


	12. Chapter 12

**To Be Once Again with You **

Author: pratz

Disclaimer: Anzai-sama still have them like always, no?

Finally! The second last to the final chapter! All my love goes to Anime-freak my beloved beta and those who read my story.

p.s.: about the accident, the kind-hearted Nakkie had reminded me to explain about it and I will. True, Mikagami had his head injured until the skull had fissures. Human's brain is divided into three lobes and one of them controls most of a man's ability to make a move. If I'm not mistaken, the frontal lobe controls the active movement ability. Also don't forget that the nerves on the spine related directly to the brain—so if the nerves are harmed, it will affect human's condition, especially the optical and walking ability (in this case, Mi-chan is unable to walk due to being hit hard, but I'm kind enough to let Mi-chan be blind, ne... ). Clear enough? Whew... really, I need a brain specialist here!

**Chapter Twelve: Do Not Speak as Loud as My Heart **

The most silent walk is the walk towards the death penalty. Fuuko Kirisawa had her doubt about the rightness of that proverb. She experienced herself that the quietest one was her way to the man who held her heart even after years had passed. She sighed tiredly. Her silent steps brought her toward his room, where he laid weakly. This whole event was going to get on her nerves. She was so tired, physically and mentally.

She held the doorknob before she finally let herself got into his room. There he was, sleeping, bandaged into almost a state of a mummy. His right arm, his sword hand, was bandaged, too. It had been injured badly and he would not able to use it for a while. And his legs...

The horrible accident had harmed some of Mikagami's vital nerves in his spine and it much less gave a contribution for him losing his walking ability. And, as if the first shock had not scared her yet, the doctor said that seventy percents of his critical condition were caused by the injury on his head, saying that it really was a miracle that Mikagami was still alive—especially after the emergency room team found several fissures on Mikagami's skull as a result from hitting the hard asphalt. Thus, the frontal lobes of the brain—the one that control most of humans' abilities to get a move—had gotten hurt because of those fissures. The third possible cause why Mikagami had notawoken yet was that he had lost too much blood when he arrived at the hospital.

Fuuko swallowed hurtfully. Three hypotheses and none of them were good. _Damn them all to hell_. She dragged a chair to sit beside his unconscious figure and placed her bag on her lap. She reached out for his right hand, clasping it within her own palms. His hand was cold and numb. Her thumbs trailed the soft skin of his hand—a hand she remembered that was not as cold as it felt now.

"Hey... how are you?" she murmured softly though she knew he wouldn't be able to answer her. _It was such a stupid and useless gut, Fuuko_.

"Touya misses you." She forced herself to smile, softly trailing the scars on his wrist, the same scar she had found before. "He's talking less and become more silent than ever. I think he feels like he has lost you. It's funny, isn't it? He hates his father, yet he loves you so much."

It was like she was speaking to no one.

"You remember, those were the days when I talked too much beside you and you're getting bored because you had your work to be done in no time... Then I would make you a cup of coffee and we would stay awake until late, me beside you and you working the hell out."

Silence.

"And times when we sat together, just the two of us, watching the rain from the veranda. They were always a peaceful moment, until a thunder would remind me of Raiha and you'd get jealous because of it."

Silence.

"Jealousy..." she sighed softly. "It was all beginning from jealousy, wasn't it?"

Silence—a really deafening silence.

"Get well, will you?" she raised his hand and put it on her cheek. She let it stay there, hoping to transmit her body heat into his cold body. Without her realizing it, a tear rolled down her cheek and landed on his fingers. "Get well please... and—and—"

She could not continue. She could not keep telling lies to herself. She could not lie to her own heart any longer. Her body shuddered with anguish and silent cry. _Life is too short and I'm powerless_, she mused. She only wanted him to look at her, to see her straight in the eyes, and yet he even did not even move a little.

"Wake up... and... comeback... please... Mi-chan..."

There was a very weak tap on her cheek.

She almost jumped in shock. She blinked and watched him slowly opening his eyes.

"You—" she whispered hoarsely, "—you're awake..."

Mikagami felt wetness on his fingertips and realized she was crying. Weakly, he tried to wipe her tears while she still held his hand. When he tried to turn his head, Fuuko quickly stood up and held him still. "Don't! The doctor said your head was wounded badly and you're still in critical condition. Just don't move."

"But I can't see you."

That touched her heart. She finally let her heart win over sorrow. "I'll stand." Fuuko stood beside his bed so that he could see her. His blue eyes softened at the sight of her still clutching his hand.

"You're crying."

"Ah... it's nothing anyway. It's just—"

"Don't cry," he cut her shortly. "Don't cry, Fuuko."

That's too much for her. His affection, his care, his—she was still afraid to say it—love... She finally let her heart win over anger. Trying the hardest to hold her tears silently, she squeezed his hand tightly. Sighed softly, he squeezed hers back to share her pain. How he wanted this moment to never end, with her holding his hand and him beside her.

"You don't have to," he said softly after she calmed down and her crying lessened.

"What?"

"You don't have to be here if you don't want to. Don't force yourself."

"Wha—"

"You're here because of Touya, aren't you?" he said, voice wavering slightly. It was painful, but he had to say it. He did not want to hurt her again even if it cost his very heart. He knew well enough that she was sick of seeing him, so it was too painful for her to be here. If she were here just because of Touya, then he should have let her go.

"What are you—" Her voice was a thin, hoarse whisper he almost could not hear.

"You feel like you were deeply indebted... because I saved Touya. There's no need for that. I saved him because I wanted to. I did it with full awareness. I have no regrets even a bit. You owe me nothing."

"Y-you talk too much."

"Yes, I do. Fuuko, I'm sorry for everything. You have a happy life now and I don't want to disturb it again. I just want you to—" His heart clenched in pain. _Hold on, Mikagami_, he thought, _at least make her happy even just once_. "I know I've broken so many promises, and I wish for your... forgiveness. Maybe—maybe you can... put me at ease by forgiving me..."

She stood and looked at him in the eyes. She knew him all too well. She always knew how his eyes were always filled with sadness, loneliness and pain no matter how confident he act. She always knew that deep inside he was still a boy who lost the people he loved the most.

A lost boy nonetheless.

"Will you, Fuuko? For all those time, you gave me everything even though I didn't deserve it. You gave me wings to escape from my darkness, yet I've flown too high on borrowed wings... beyond the clouds and where the angel sings... but I've forgotten that I was nothing but a demon within. I was flying too high only to find myself falling down on the ground. I realize, Fuuko, there is no me without you... so—" He choked painfully, "—so maybe you'll be elated to say that you forgive me..."

She bent down and cupped his cheeks tenderly. They stared at each other. Finally it was him who broke the silence. With his only functional hand, he pushed her away. After all, he just wanted her to say she forgave him, but she did not say even a word. So he had to let her go on living her live.

To let her go from his life once again.

And to allow himself be alone again.

She took a deep breath and sighed heavily. "I have already forgiven you," she paused, "Mi-chan."

His eyes widened.

She leaned over him. Her thumb roamed down his chin and touched his lower lip, parting his mouth a bit. Her finger found its way over his face. The wound on top of his brow was still fresh and she might hurt him if she touched it.

"I'm sorry, Fuuko. Really."

"Save your move until you get well, okay? There's nothing to be afraid of. I'm here..."

"That's so kind of you, angel. Can I... cry indeed now?"

"Silly." She smiled weakly. "Tears don't come out when you're happy, and I know you are now."

"You're wrong. Right now I really want to."

She did not kiss him, but he did not mind. Mikagami took no heed to care but let his emotion overwhelm him. He was never one to cry in public. If he had to cry, it must be that he was all alone. But today, for the third time in his life he was crying openly. The first time was when his sister died, the second was when Fuuko left him, and the third was his cry of happiness. And she understood him that she let him crying over her shoulder. His body shuddered in joy, basking in her love. And Fuuko, too, cried softly against him while his uninjured hand stroked her hair gently.

Only the silent weep and the promises of happiness colored the empty room, leaving the two of them drown in the sweet taste of redemption.

.-.-.-.

She was about to hang up her coat when her little boy ran down the stairs and stopped at the bottom. For a week she had spent most of her time in hospital, keeping Mikagami a company and only going home to check on Touya. She even often slept in the hospital, and during that time, it was Koganei who took care of Touya for her.

It was hard for her to do that, but she had no other choice. Touya seemed like he was keeping a distant with his so-called Uncle Mikagami for a reason she did not know. He refused to go to the hospital even once, so she decided to do what her heart told her.

"Mom, tomorrow will be a Curry Day at my school. You'll come, won't you?"

She hanged her coat and sighed. "I'm afraid I can't, dear. "

"Why?"

"Well, tomorrow will be Uncle Mikagami's operation day, so I—you know..."

Her words hung mid-sentence, but that was enough for the little boy. His so-called Uncle Mikagami's did not only get his mother affections; he also stole her from him!

With that thought, Touya opened the door abruptly, and ran away aimlessly ignoring his mother pleas.

.-.-.-.

"Hello? What? Alright. I'll come right away, Fuuko-neechan."

Mikagami frowned when he heard her name escape Koganei's lips. His usual grin faded away from his face and it grew serious. Something had happened, Mikagami knew.

"What's happened?"

Koganei shoved his cell to his jeans' pocket and walked out the room. "Touya's run away. I'll look for him."

.-.-.-.

He knew where to go. He knew the person the boy would look for when he had trouble, and honestly it pained him. His driver helped him to take a seat on his wheelchair and later pushed the doorbell for him since he could not reach it himself.

A purple-haired man came out from the house—Touya's nearest figure to a father all these times.

Raiha smiled softly. He had known Mikagami would come. "Come in, Mikagami-san. I know you'll come."

"Thank you."

"Please don't act like I'm your rival or something, Mikagami-san." Raiha flashed his infamous grin. "I am never one—since the very beginning."

"I hope so."

Raiha stepped aback to let Mikagami in. "Mikagami-san?"

"Yes?"

"Please bring him back to his mother."

The ensui wielder nodded and politely thanked the former Uruha. Raiha himself pushed Mikagami's wheelchair towards his bedroom. The purple-haired man opened the door for him and closed it behind him after Mikagami entered.

The boy was lying on his stomach on the bed. He was fully awake, but did not look at Mikagami.

"Go away. I'm not going anywhere."

"Your mother is worried."

"Let her be. I'm not the one she's waiting for. You are. Go back to her."

"Touya, listen—"

"I'm not going to listen to you!" The furious boy jumped from the bed and stood before him. "I won't come home! I will go with Uncle Raiha back to Paris!"

He watched his very son weep.

"It's not fair! I never hurt her, I'm always her good son, and yet she doesn't want me... She doesn't need me! And you—you hurt her, I know. You've hurt her badly, and yet my mother is still waiting for you! You stole her from me! I hate you! Give me my mother back!!"

"I did not," he said hoarsely. He had not stolen her from his own son, had he? "I did not steal your mother."

"You did! She only cares about me because I am your son! It's only because I carry _your_ blood!"

"Touya..." He patted his thighs soundlessly and reached his hand for the boy, indicating what he wanted the boy to do. "Come here."

His eyes begged Touya to obey him, so the boy moved to sit on his lap. Touya touched his knees and felt regret immediately overwhelmed him.

"Your legs..."

"It's alright. Don't worry."

"But—"

"It's not a problem if you hate me. Well, honestly it matters to me, but I'm not going to force you to love me. Listen to me; your mother loves you so much. She's looking for you. If you don't want to come home because of yourself or me, at least do it for her."

"I hate my father." He snuggled against Mikagami's chest.

"I understand. Your father deserves it."

"He doesn't blame me?"

"No. I know he hates that part of him, too."

"And why did _you_ come?"

"Because I love you." He hugged the boy with one hand and placed his cheek on the top of Touya's head. "I only have a hand to hold you and already lose my walking ability, but they don't really matter. I would gladly cut my legs off if I had to. The only thing I regret is that I can't carry you on my back again."

"I hate my father," Touya repeated his words from before. "But I like my Uncle Mikagami." He raised his head so that Mikagami could see a glint of joy in his innocent eyes. That was how his eyes supposed to be, filled with joy and happiness. "When I met him for the first time, I thought that he's just a lonely man. He always looked so sad."

"Because—because he's lost someone he loves."

"Why?"

"It's—" Mikagami choked, his voice trembling a bit, "—it's because he's illogical and stupid—so stupid to get himself lose his self-control."

"Has he found that someone again?"

"He doesn't know. He isn't so sure."

"Is he sad?"

"He... is."

"I don't want him to be sad," Touya said bluntly. "And I want my Uncle Mikagami to be my real father."

His mouth dropped open a bit until Touya kissed his cheek softly.

"Do you know? Uncle Mikagami said that he wasn't a person who enjoys playing on the swing so... I want to enjoy the swing with him. And I love his lap. I want to be on his lap forever. I want to have dinner with him at home. I want to go to Fun World again with him. And most of all, I want to be with him... to be with my Uncle Mikagami."

The little boy raised his head from Mikagami's chest and smiled innocently. "Will you tell Uncle Mikagami to be my father?"

Mikagami did not care how many times Touya chanted the same words over and over again. It sounded like heaven's chimes on his ears and he almost choked.

"Y-yes."

"Will he be happy and give me a 'yes' as an answer?"

"He... will be glad. He'll say yes, I'm sure."

"And please tell Uncle Mikagami that I love him."

At that time, Mikagami truly lost his word.

"Thank you," he whispered while Touya had his hands around his neck. He buried his face in his son's hair and whispered words of apology over and over.

Behind the door, Raiha smiled in relief and happiness, and silently closed the door again.

.-.-.-.

Mikagami had missed his surgery to get Touya back. The boy started blaming himself again, but Mikagami soothed him by saying he would get another operation soon. He asked his driver to go to Fuuko's house and, as usual, his son chatted happily beside him. He smiled after he recalled the boy's tears a while ago.

_There's been too many tears flowing out_, he mused, _but hopefully it will be tears no more_.

They arrived at her house. His chauffeur helped him back on his wheelchair again and Touya did the pushing.

He seemed hesitate in front of her door.

"Don't you want to come in?"

"I—I better go home now."

"Go home?" Touya jumped and push the bell. He heard rushed steps coming towards them. The boy grinned when he saw Mikagami's face show a little bit of panic. "You're kidding. It's your home!"

'_It's your home..._'

"Mom! I'm home!!!"

Fuuko opened the door quickly and what she saw almost made her jump sky-high.

"You naughty boy! Where have you been?! I miss you!" She hugged her son with a bear hug.

"I'm sorry, Mom. I admit it's my fault. I won't do it again. I promise!"

She froze when she saw the man on the wheelchair behind his son. "Mi-chan?" her voice faltered.

Touya patted Mikagami's shoulder playfully. "Come on, Dad! No need to be so shy!"

Her eyes widened for hearing what her son had said and so did Mikagami.

Did he just called Mikagami... '_Dad'_?

"Yes! I've said it!" Touya looked like he could read his parents' minds. "Say 'I'm home' now, Dad!"

Mikagami was not sure what to do. Should he hug her? Or should he get down on his knees, begging for her forgiveness, even though he could not get up after doing that? And what would be happen after that? Would she welcome him back with arms wide open—she said that she had already forgiven him, did not she?

Would she love him again?

Her lips quivered with a cry that was not there yet. "Geez, Mi-chan," her voice wavered lightly. He must have known what she would have said for his eyes widened. "Crack a smile for me."

She knew he realized it. What she said was what she had said right before they shared their first kiss so many years ago.

A corner of his mouth turned up, forcing a sad smile on his lips.

"Ma—" he whispered hoarsely, "—make me... mon—"

He could not say the last part as he saw no anger in her beautiful eyes.

She saw Mikagami's gaze soften. Her hands reached out to him. He reached for her and was rewarded when she bent down with her arms around his shoulder. They hugged for a while then he shifted to whisper in her ear.

"I'm home..."

"Welcome home."

.-.-.-.

Inspired from _Powerless_ by Nelly Furtado. Well, I do like Nelly's debut album.

taken from _Flown_ _Away_ by Lene Marlin. Maybe this entire song doesn't suit the fic fully, but the first two sentences were pretty good for Mi-chan.

pratz's corner:

Tenken no Miko: thank you! This is the update!

Nakkie: I've put an explanation above. Hope you'll be satisfied and I owe you one for this. Thank you! bow

losingmymind: no, I don't want Yanagi to. Fuuko is the only one who can 'heal' Mikagami.

wingsstars07: dunno whether it's gonna be good or not, but I'll do my best! o

SanjixZorofan: they'll be! Just wait and see!

Kira: aww back nice name you got there. Then I gotta be Athrun laugh

crazyFuNkmAddAy: whoa! Look! I've updated this!

applepower: my, my, your words renew my will!

shin: but surely something good will be happened upon Mi-chan.

Dark Phoenix: he loses them... he loses his slim and absolutely sexy legs... o bwahahaha No, what I mean is what kind of lemon I supposed to write. What scene? PWP or any other type? you sound so serious, pratz! ;

Hanchu: you're not the first person to say it. My God... have I turned to be a sadistic author to let my story sadden the readers?

wabbit: stay tune! You'll know I'm not that cruel! grin


	13. Epilogue

**To Be Once Again with You**

Author: pratz

Disclaimer: if they're mine, I wouldn't write a fanfiction, right?

Nyaah... this is the very last chap of "To Be Once Again with You", my first baby, my first fic in my so-called career of being a fanfic writer. I won't be here without all readers who are kindly supporting me with their reviews and forgiving my poor English. My greatest respects go to all of you readers! bows I really owe you much! And, of course, my beta AnimeFreak. Thanks for the cooperation all these times. Hopefully you'd be betaing me on my next fic if that's not bothering you, haha... And this is it... an epilogue of TBOAWY. Farewell! See you again soon!

**Epilogue: And Tell Me You Love Me—Come Back and Haunt Me**

"It's harder than I thought before," Mikagami groaned and threw the rumpled paper into the bin. That was the thirtieth paper he used to practice his left hand on writing. Since he could not use his right hand, he started using his left hand to do the right hand's job. Although he was playing his sword with the left hand, it was still difficult for him to get used to writing with his left hand.

The woman beside him smiled and massaged his arm lovingly trying to lessen his distressed. It was his Fuuko once again. She took care of him after he got accident two months ago and they lived in his house now, with Touya, his beloved son.

"Come on, Dad! It's not easy, but you have to do it!" Touya turned on his lap to face him. He touched his father's cheek and pinched it playfully. "I can't believe you can't do that! Try once again!"

"I'm bored."

"Nooo... you're not..."

"I am." He ruffled his son's hair with his only functional hand. "And I think a glass of water would do me good after all."

"I'll get it!" He quickly ran to get a drink for him and Mikagami smiled slightly at the sight.

"Try again," she leaned to him. "You have to get used to. You're an ambidextrous anyway."

"Just for playing the sword, Fuuko. I still can't write left-handed."

She just clutched his hand in affection. He smiled half-bitterly. Sometimes he thought that he really did not deserve even a bit of happiness he had now. She had become someone he proudly called his wife. Yes, they had gotten married a month ago. She was his only love, his son's mother and finally his beloved wife now. Recca himself was the best man with Yanagi beside him. The Uruhas and the Hokages became the witness of their wedding mass. They had each other back, plus Touya with them, and Mikagami had his 'family' back also.

"All of these practices make me breathless." He sighed in annoyance.

"You don't know anything about breathless, Mi-chan." Though he was her husband after all, she still called him with that nickname. She said it would always be her special name for him. "Besides, what makes you more breathless? Your practice or ME?"

He saw her eyes glinted mockingly and he cupped her chin to get her face toward him. He smiled and returned her joke. "Of course it's the practices, you know."

"Well..." she shifted against him, softly kissed her husband on the cheek, "liar."

She pushed him to lean his back onto the sofa and locked her lips with his. He closed his eyes in happiness, letting himself be drowned in her undying love. His mouth and tongue played against hers own for dominance, and his hands slid down her back, nestling on her hair in the end. He held her as if she was a treasure he did not want to break.

They both were gasping for air when they pulled apart. That was a long kiss, he must admit. He shifted, and she snuggled closer to his chest. All so sudden, Touya came, jumping onto them and giving him his glass of water. He thanked his son and drank it. The boy cleared his throat, seemed so much more mature than his age and asked for an excuse and quickly ran outside to let his parents enjoy their time together.

She grinned to see her son's back faded away. "He acts like you."

"I hope not. Mikagami Tokiya is a bastard."

"But I am Mrs. Mikagami, and I won't let you badmouth him."

He kissed the top of her head. She brought his hand to her lips and kissed it softly, placing it on her lap and slowly tracing the suicide-attempt scars. He sighed onto her hair. "I was dreaming last night."

"Really?"

"I dreamt of you, Fuuko. You died." His voice was just a rough whisper. Even on his own ears, his voice sounded so tight and choked. She raised her head so that she could look at him right in the eyes. Behind their pools of blue, she could see all fear and hurt of his. Just when she reached out to clutch his hand again, she realized that he was trembling.

"How did I die?"

"You were killed."

"By who?"

"I killed you." His whispered words were so soft she almost missed them. "Like—like I did before..."

"You did not ever kill me, Mi-chan."

"What's the different?" he said throatily. "In my dream, I saw you die in a man's hand. A man like me, wearing the same clothes like I usually wear, had the same haircut like me, and worst, using the same madougu like me before."

"Ensui," she said softly.

"Ensui," he repeated. "I saw he—or my look-alike—stabbed you with ensui. Hell, I was there when he did that. I was sitting on my wheelchair not so far from that man and you. I screamed when he had done, calling your name in vain for I know I was too late. I tried to get you, so that at least I could be with you in the end, but... I couldn't walk. My feet were paralyzed like in the reality. I fell off, calling your name all over again until I lost my voice, and that was all I could do. The man—the other me—just laugh at me and at my weakness. I just did nothing." His eyes closed tightly, his face contorted with fear and insecure. "I really did nothing."

"Mi-chan, that's just a dream."

"Yet it was so real, Fuuko, that I did nothing. I hurt you. I left after taking advantages from you. I forced you to take the same path of life. I made you living a nightmare. I did—"

"Mikagami Tokiya, stop talking like that!"

"You know, I still feel I don't deserve you."

"Stop that!"

"No, Fuuko, let me continue. You must still remember how I hurt you terribly. What kind of a man I was to ever hurt the woman I love with all my heart? It was... such a shame to me... and to you. You loved me, and yet I give you my selfishness. I'm sure I didn't say even one wrong word. I have no right at all to be with you."

"Please... let it go."

"You don't understand." His voice trembled with the pent-up emotions. "Do you know what I feel when I touch you with these—these sinful hands? It feels like I taint you over and over again. And I hate myself for that. You know I only have darkness inside me, and yet you give me your sun. I don't deserve you—"

"I don't want to hear it again!"

"Why?" He cupped her face to see her right in the eyes, demanding. "I'm only a bastard, paralyzed man who can't walk by himself and have nothing to give. But you—you have a noble heart that makes you more than just a woman. Only a fool will refuse you. I love you, yes, but it was nothing compare to your sacred love. I had destroyed it once with my very hands."

"Mikagami!"

"Why don't you—" from his rough whispers, she already could tell that he was doing his best to restrain all cries of his, "—why don't you be with another man? Another man—" he stopped a while for the hurt inside his chest making it's quite hard to breathe, "—who will never hurt you. Who has no selfishness like Mikagami Tokiya has. Who can walk and jump and run to you whenever you need him. Who could give you a shoulder to cry on. Who can pleasure you on bed wh—"

His words were cut at all when her palm connected loudly with his cheek.

Mikagami's head tilted aside, and Fuuko's hand stung hard. She knew she had treat him meanly, but she could not help it. Breathing deep, she closed her eyes in order to gain back her self-control.

"It's fine with me, Fuuko," Mikagami said softly. "I deserve that—for all hurt I'd caused you."

Silence. She hated it when he thinks so low about himself like this. He had to learn to forgive himself. She wanted him to live his life once again in the right path, and she would always be there by his side. By his side she did belong as he to her, for he was her everything as her to him.

"Answer me, Mikagami Tokiya. Do you think _that_ lowly about yourself?"

His bangs covered his eyes she could not see him. "Sometimes."

"I want to be with you. Isn't that enough for you as an answer?"

"But—"

"I want to be with you. I want to be with Mikagami Tokiya," she said firmly. "Even if you're a selfish bastard. Even if you won't be able to write me a love letter. Even if you'll never walk again or even just stand by yourself anymore. I just want to be with you."

He was gazing at her questioningly. She inhaled deeply once.

"You," she stroked his abused cheek softly, trying to lessen his pain—on cheek and in heart, "are my son's father. You are Kiri—Mikagami Fuuko's husband. You, of all people, are my man. And for those all, please—please learn how to forgive yourself and let go of the past. You won't be able to live just by watching everything that did happen or wondering how your life will be. You have a new life to live now."

"For you and Touya?"

"For yourself also."

One corner of his lips turned upward, forming a slight smile there. She always knew how to make him smile anyway. Affectionately, she brought his head to her chest, right on where her heart was lying. The soft melody of her heartbeat already drifted him to a peaceful state. Closing his eyes, he felt her put her chin atop his head, and she stroked his back and hair softly.

"I like your heartbeat. And you smelled so... good. I just simply like them."

"Now you're being sappy."

"I'm sorry, Fuuko."

"Same here." She kissed his forehead gently. "Does it still hurt?" Her fingers trailed on her reddened fingerprint on his cheek.

"A little."

"I'll do that again, even harder maybe, if you dare to say the words you'd said before," she joked dryly, trying to lighten the whole situation.

"I'll remember that." His thin smiled grew a bit wider, and he snuggled closer to her warmth. She buried her face on his hair and her arms locked themselves in a tight grip around his shoulder, letting him press his body to her.

"You'd better do that." she moved one of her hands resting it on his knee. "You're not made just from guilty and remorse. Your happiness is counted, too. I won't let you walk behind me for I'm not your leader nor in front of me for I may not follow you. Your place is here, with me, beside me."

He just could not answer as he realized how strong she was. He had thought that she took the same way of life like he did once after his sister passed away, yet he was wrong. She never let all her pain beat her. She did not live in fantasy, dreaming all her happy time would be back and repeated itself for her.

She sensed his changing mood and smiled wider. "Besides," she grinned and dragged her hand along his spine, making him shiver lightly, "like I said, you're _my _man. No matter who you are." She paused as her hand hold his jaw and her lips hovering over his so close he could feel her breaths on him. "And you definitely still a real man in bed."

He touched his lips to her before pulled back in a swift as quickly as he put them on. "So you did like it."

"I always like it, you silly." Fuuko tilted his chin up and smirked. "Especially when you breathe my name."

Mikagami put her hands on his cheeks with his hands trapped hers. Staring deeply in her eyes, he leaned closer and whispered in low voice, just to be heard by her. "Why, Fuuko, do you do all of this? Why do you still here with me?"

She inhaled a deep breath before she answered him, almost desperately. Was he that dense to understand her words before? What should she say to convince him?

"Because I love you."

She kissed him again and he kissed her back. The kiss was special. It held no lust or desire at all; just pure love and affection and care for each other. Loving her behaviour, loving her smile against his mouth, loving the taste of her soft silky lips, loving the curve of her waist in his arms, loving her sweet-smelled, and loving the sweet music she did not have to play for him because he already listened to it, he knew that he finally had his life back.

Finally, he had someone to love again.

Finally, he was once again with her.

He did not need any other reason. She did not need to give him another reason. They only needed each other... to love and to be loved. She hugged him lovingly, never wanted to let him go and neither did him. That time, she promised herself to be happy... with him... and with her family.

Together.

.-.-.-.

Mikagami tightened his grip on his crutches and took a deep breath. After he got his injured hand recovered, he started to gain his walking ability back. Fuuko and Touya urged him to have himself being operated and took a rehabilitation process. That was four months ago, but it had not fairly showed any good signal of a progress yet.

Now it was the time for him to try moving without the help of his wheelchair anymore.

His doctor watched him while Fuuko and Touya waiting for him a distant far.

He moved his left crutch forward and stopped awkwardly. His atrophied legs trembled, his hands shook slightly, and his face was tensed. The taut muscle on his arms silently reminded him that he did not train his own body almost for a half of year. There was no sign of the old Mikagami Tokiya once he was, a swordsman who fought bravely in UBS and against the Tendou Jigoku in the past. His fear of getting failed also pained Fuuko so much, and she was as tensed as well.

He took one step forward again. With his ragging breath, he silently prayed to God to give him a little more power to go on.

His next step almost made him slide down onto the floor. Fuuko and Touya cried out an endured scream, while his doctor yelled a "be careful" warn.

"I—can't—" he gasped heavily, voice choked in his throat. He was sweating, and beads of perspiration roamed down along his cheeks.

"You CAN, Dad!! Hold on still!!!"

His Touya's voice was his guiding chime.

'Come to me', she mouthed the phrase wordlessly. 'I love you.'

And his Fuuko's voice was his torch in his darkness.

The boy was his treasure.

The woman was his savior.

They were his angels.

So he steeled his will and walked toward them, to they who reached their hands out for him.

And soon he would find his heaven.

.-.-.-.


End file.
